You're My Hill to Die On  Cowards Sequel
by salianne
Summary: Summary: After everything they worked through to finally be together - will a visit to Nick's childhood home be the one thing they can't overcome?
1. Chapter 1  Bursting Bubbles

Title: You're My Hill to Die On (Cowards Sequel) Part 1 of 7

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~1580

Warning: : Sexual Content, mentions of Violence and NonCon, Mean people

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: After everything they worked through to finally be together - will a visit to Nick's childhood home be the one thing they can't overcome?

AN: As I'm writing the "Visit the Stokes" chapter of the _Last Chance Series_, I keep slipping into the _Cowards_ universe. This tells me a couple of things: 1) I'm obviously not done with the _Cowards_ version of the boys, and 2) I can't write the _Last Chance_ visit to Texas until I write the _Cowards_ visit to Texas. So...that's the plan. I have a completed a transitional chapter of _Last Chance_ that I'll post in a few days, but until this one is out of my system - the rest of that one will have to wait. This one won't take long though - it's obviously all ready to get out of my brain! I hope you _Cowards_ readers enjoy it.

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"Did you pack a nice tie?"

Greg looked confused. "I didn't even pack a dress-shirt, why would I pack a nice tie?"

"What if we go to church or a nice restaurant or something?" Nick asked anxiously.

"Will we?" Greg was starting to sound a little nervous himself. "I thought it was just a family holiday with lots of food and drink and Stokes of all shapes and sizes. Does that tradition include church and fancy eateries?"

"I just think we should be prepared." Nick stepped to Greg's closet to look through his nicer clothes. "Here." He tossed Greg a pair of black slacks and a jewel-toned blue shirt. "Pack your paisley tie and we're all set."

"No jacket?" Greg asked as he searched his top drawer for the tie.

Nick's hands snaked around his waist as Nick embraced him from behind. "No, I don't want it to look like you're trying too hard."

Greg leaned into Nick and sighed. "You're putting a lot of pressure on this, Nick. Are you sure you want me to go this time?"

"Yes." Nick kissed Greg's temple and the jagged scar that would never go away. "My parents invited you."

"I know, but you've been really freaking out for like _**weeks **_and at least one of your sisters practically begged you to 'spare the family' of my presence...so it's okay if..."

"Greg." Nick interrupted. "You're my family too. You're more than family. - you're home to me now."

Greg spun around in Nick's arms and kissed his lover. "I'll never get tired of hearing that."

"I'll never get tired of saying it." Nick's lips stayed achingly close to Greg's. "Now finish packing se we can go to my place and get some sleep before shift."

Greg grinned into Nick's kiss. "Sleep?"

"Eventually." Nick felt himself respond to Greg's innuendo immediately. _Does he even know what he does to me? _

o0o0oo0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Two hours later they were laying in a sweaty heap in Nick's bed. Nick was laying on his side, curled around Greg with his head resting on Greg's chest.

"You're so good at that." Greg said while his fingers combed through Nick's dark hair.

Nick smiled into Greg's skin. "Which part?"

"All of them. You fuck like a rock star. You give amazing head. And you're the wildest bottom I've ever topped."

"I'm not a bottom, I'm..."

"I know, Honey, you're _**versatile**_." Greg quoted using his fingers.

Nick pinched the skin on Greg's inner thigh. "Well, I am."

"You can say that again!" Greg agreed. "I love having sex with you. Almost as much as I love you when we're not having sex."

"Well, bask in the glow, Greggo." Nick's said. "Because we won't be having any sex in my parent's house."

"We'll see about that." Greg teased.

Nick lifted his head so he could make himself very, very clear with direct eye contact. "We won't be having sex in their house, G. I mean it."

"Three whole days?" Greg whined.

Nick laughed at the pitiful look on his boyfriend's face. "I think we can survive three days, G."

Greg just looked at his boyfriend for a few minutes. Nick could see the wheels spinning. "What about the barn...stables...wherever your people keep their livestock?"

"They don't have livestock. Livestock implies animals that you eat, they have horses." Nick corrected. "And no."

"The woodshed?" Greg bargained.

Nick shook his head with a smile. "There is no woodshed. Why the hell would there be a woodshed?"

"I don't know." Greg smirked. "Don't they need a place for the wood they use in the kitchen fire pit where they cook their bar-be-que beans? Or whatever it is cowboys eat after coming in from the range."

"That's just wrong, Greg." Nick chuckled and playfully smacked Greg's thigh.

"Can we make-out?"

"Nope."

"Three days?"

"Yep."

"Seriously?"

"We'll have plenty of sex at the hotel to make up for it." Now it was Nick who was bargaining.

_The hotel was Greg's idea. When his parent's invited Greg to the week-long holiday gathering, he insisted that he would leave early to give the family a few days with __**all**__ the members present and accounted for. _

_Nick just looked at him, blinking in disbelief as they sat in front of empty cereal bowls. "What are you saying?"_

"_I'm saying you can drop me off at a hotel near the airport and enjoy your family without me making it awkward - so your parents can have all their kids there." Greg explained._

"_But they invited __**you.**__ For the __**whole**__ week."_

"_I know. And I appreciate them for that." Greg moved to sit on Nick's lap. "I would be more comfortable knowing they had options."_

_It wasn't lost on Nick that Greg still found it impossible to refer to Nate - by name or by association. "You're amazing."_

"_Yeah." Greg smirked._

"_You're not staying alone in a hotel for two days." Nick insisted._

"_Nicky, please don't argue..."_

"_I'm staying with you." Nick interrupted. "It'll give me a chance to give you the tour-de-Nick and I'll still be able to stop by the house for a few hours during the day."_

"_You wouldn't rather be with your family for the whole time?" Greg asked._

_Nick nodded. "I do want to be with my family. __**You're**__ my family, too."_

_Greg could only smile and kiss. Nick could tell he had just made his boyfriend very happy. _

"I'll agree to your terms if you also promise to grope me in the car when we're taking the tour-de-Nicky." Greg looked smug. "It's so hot to think about getting a hand-job in front of the high school where a picture still hangs in the hall of you making a touchdown?"

Nick laughed groggily. "You're twisted,"

Greg yawned. "You love it."

"Yeah." Nick agreed as he nuzzled into Greg's shoulder and fell asleep.

o0o0oo0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

As the flight attendant announced initial approach to DFW, Greg woke up his slumbering lover with a feathery kiss on the neck. Nick startled and jerked away. "...the hell, G?"

"Just waking you up." Greg watched his boyfriend blink himself awake with an angry scowl on his face. "You need to get your stuff put away."

Nick looked around and saw that the other passengers were dutifully preparing for landing. "Oh."

"What was that all about?" Greg asked.

"I already explained to you, no physical affection." Nick focused on winding the headphone cord around his I-pod instead of looking at his boyfriend.

"You said no sex, snuggling, or making-out at your parent's house." Greg said bitterly. He still wasn't happy about it. "We're on a fucking plane, Nick."

Nick could hear the hurt feelings underneath Greg's words. "There could be people who know my parents on this flight."

"So." Greg wasn't clear on what the problem was.

"I don't want them to hear from a friend that they saw their son mackin' on some dude on a plane." Nick explained.

"I'm not some dude, Nick." Greg sounded offended. "I'm your boyfriend."

"Okay. I'm sorry it came out that way. What I mean is, I want to be respectful of where my parents are at with all of this. They are trying really hard to be accepting and I don't want to blow it by embarrassing them." Nick tried to clarify. "It's already hard enough on everyone with the whole Nate situation. Sometimes you got to pick the hill to die on, Babe."

That felt like a punch in the gut to Greg. Nick was minimizing something that Greg will never completely recover from and he was making Greg feel like he was in some way responsible for the discomfort they were all sure to feel over the next few days. It was hard to get a handle on, because Nick had never been so frivolous about what his brother had done.

Nick could see it in his eyes - Greg was not impressed with the metaphor. He leaned into Greg's personal space a little and tried to smooth over his faux pas. "Please understand this, Greg. I love you. So much. I want them to love you. Let's ease into it, okay?"

Greg would rather deny it than feel it, so he simply nodded and agreed. "Okay."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2  Birthplace of Good and Evil

Title: You're My Hill to Die On (Cowards Sequel) Part 2 of 7

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~5200

Warning: Sexual Content, mentions of Violence and NonCon, Mean people

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: After everything they worked through to finally be together - will a visit to Nick's childhood home be the one thing they can't overcome?

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Greg would be lying if he said he wasn't scared as hell. He had been dreading this day for weeks. Not only was he going to be spending days with Nick's parents, meeting all of his siblings - well all but one - and probably introduced to many of the people outside of the immediate family who had shaped Nick Stokes...but he was going to be sleeping in the house where his rapist had been raised.

It was all he could do to keep himself from throwing up since the moment he agreed to come.

But it's not like he could just say no to Nick's mom. That would be...just...wrong. He also couldn't let Nick know how his stomach had been on fire from stress just _**thinking**_ about this week.

Now that they were actually _**there.**_..he really just wanted to throw up and get it over with.

"You okay?" He heard Nick say from the driver's seat.

Greg was staring wide-eyed at the giant house. "Of course." He tore his gaze away from the columned front porch to look at his boyfriend. "Are you?"

"I'm nervous." Nick admitted.

Greg reached for Nick's hand and was once again stung when his boyfriend abruptly pulled away. He really needed the reassurance that only Nick could give. Greg retracted obediently instead. "Don't be nervous, Nick. We're in this together."

Nick took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. I guess we should get this show on the road, then. You ready?"

"Ready." Greg tried to smile reassuringly.

Nick threw the car into park and shut down the engine. "You think we should just say hello before we haul in our luggage?"

"What do you usually do?"

"Haul my crap in when I arrive." Nick said.

Greg smirked. "So why would this be any different?"

That seemed to calm Nick a bit. "I have no fucking idea. I'm being crazy, huh?"

"Just a little." Greg smiled.

Nick leaned in a little. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Greg soothed.

Nick opened the front door and walked into instant nostalgia. "Momma? Dad?"

"Kitchen!"

Greg could hear the excitement in her tone. It was all still so weird and disjointed. He was in the home of the parents of the man who brutally raped him less the a year earlier. These same people are the parents of his lover. His lover - the twin of his worst nightmare - stood next to him in the foyer looking like a little kid hoping his mommy would watch him jump into the pool for the first time.

It was a lot of pressure. Greg was surprised that he hadn't cracked on the edges already - but he knew how important this was to Nick. His lover had waited his whole life for this moment - a moment he thought he would never have. Nick was bringing someone he loves - the _**man**_ he loves - home. It was akin to a wedding in a way.

_Of course, a wedding wouldn't normally involved the family my rapist._

Sometimes there was a war raging in Greg's mind and heart. He didn't want to think about it anymore, but it's never really completely gone. He never talked to Nick about it because he thought that would be unfair. _**He**_ made the choice - he _**knew**_ it would be complicated and hard - but he loved Nick Stokes. He had loved Nick Stokes for _**so long**_ and he wanted to have everything with him. Nick had his own demons to slay, Greg wasn't about to burden him with more.

So he never did. Not one word - in almost a year. And it was working just fine until they started preparing for the holiday adventure at Casa de Stokes. The nightmares had become more frequent and exponentially more terrifying and Greg was grateful that Nick was such a sound sleeper - so he didn't have to explain.

"Oh, boys!" Jillian's sweet voice sang from the hallway leading from the kitchen. "I'm so happy you're finally here."

She enveloped Nick in a motherly embrace and Greg could see by the look on his face that he was feeling the kind of happy he had never really felt before - love _**and**_ acceptance from his mother. Greg's throat became tight with the emotion he felt from seeing it, and he told himself it was all worth it to be witness to this moment.

After a moment or two, Jillian released her son and turned toward Greg. Her dark eyes were brimming in the same way Nick's always do when he is feeling overwhelmingly emotional. She reached for Greg and pulled him by the shoulders into her arms. He could feel the heat of her breath against his face as she spoke. "I'm so happy you're here. Greg."

She sounded like she meant it, which caused Greg's own eyes to well-up a bit. If he could spend a week with Nick and his mother and no one else he would be the happiest man in the world.

"Hello, Son." The deep voice of Bill stokes broke the spell as he entered the room.

Greg would have to save the happiest-man-in-the-world-feeling for another trip.

Jillian pulled away at the sound of her husband's voice. She paused - her hands framed Greg's face, her thumb gently and deliberately brushing against the jagged scar on his face. "Thank you for coming, Greg."

He didn't know how to respond to that so he just said, "It's good to see you again, Jillian."

"Good boy." She smiled kindly and squeezed his cheeks affectionately before letting him go. "I've finally succeeded in my training. That sounds so much better than Mrs. Stokes!"

"Good to see that you boys made it in okay." Bill struggled for conversation.

Nick was suddenly nervous again. "The flight was great and there was no line at the car rental counter, so we made good time."

Bill nodded. "Good." He hugged Nick awkwardly before turning to Greg. Jillian still had one arm around his slim waist.

"Greg." Bill nodded politely. "Jill and I are pleased that you could join Nick this year."

"Thank you, sir." Greg's stomach was churning with nervous acid.

"No sir here, Greg." Bill tried to sound naturally friendly. "You can call me Bill."

Greg had spent many hours on the phone with Jillian since her other son had confessed to his crimes. She had also spent a week with at Nick's home a couple of times since Greg had practically moved in. He felt comfortable with her. But this was the first time he had seen Bill Stokes since the morning he had walked into Nick's living room looking freshly fucked and ready to go for round fourteen.

He would be lying if he said he wasn't feeling just as awkward standing in the foyer of the Stoke's family home shaking the hand of the man who fathered both good and evil. "Thank you for inviting me to your home, Mr..."

"Bill." He interrupted. "Please call me Bill."

"Bill." Greg hoped he wouldn't say or do anything stupid around this man in the next few days. "Thank you, Bill."

"Nonsense." Bill seemed to bristle. "No reason to thank Jill and I. All of our children's spouses...partners...are welcome."

"It's been so long since Nicky's brought anyone home." Jill seemed to be thrilled about it. "Not since...when was it, Honey?" She looked toward her son.

"A long time before I moved to Vegas!" Nick's smile reached his eyes and it looked beautiful.

"Oh yes, but not _**that **_long before your move." Jill agreed while seemingly in deep thought. "I think it may have been the last time you brought MaryEllen. When was that? Easter?" Jill laughed at her memories. "By Christmas time that year you were in Las Vegas and MaryEllen was engaged to..."

The tension was sudden and painful. Jill looked from Nick to Greg before she spoke again. "Oh, dear."

"It's okay, Jill." Greg reassured her despite the taste of bile rising in his throat. "Please don't feel bad. He's your son. He's a huge part of your family and all of the memories you share. Holidays are all about memories and I don't want to get in the way of that. Please..."

"Of course, Sweet Child."

Greg was sure that he loved the woman. She was such a kind soul. Nothing like the monster he had once thought her to be. He prayed that the next few days didn't ruin what they had built throughout the previous year.

Bill cleared his throat. "Jilly, why don't you show the boys to their room. We're taking you boys out for steaks tonight. So take a little time to freshen up."

They stood by the door looking at the childhood room Nick had shared with his twin. It was like a giant time capsule. Walls full of awards and trophies and rows of pennants from championship games. There were two small desks and two small dressers and two twin beds separated by a three drawer nightstand.

Jill looked at the beds and wrinkled her brow. She obviously hadn't thought it all through until just then. "You can push those together..."

"That won't be necessary Momma." Nick interrupted her and was obviously uncomfortable. "This arrangement is just fine for us."

"Okay, I'll just leave you two to get settled. There are fresh towels in the bathroom." She squeezed both men on the shoulder and closed the door behind her as she left.

Nick crossed to the bed closest to the window and flopped himself onto it. "This is weird. Usually the kids sleep in here. I haven't been in this room in years."

"What did your mom mean about MaryEllen?" Greg asked without any warning. It had been bugging he since the moment she said it.

Nick looked up at his boyfriend and to Greg's surprise, he looked pissed. "Don't start."

Or maybe it was guilt. The sudden edge was definitely reminiscent of a guilty Nick Stokes.

"I'm not starting anything, I just asked a question." Greg tried not to sound as insecure as he felt. "And I expect an answer, Nicky."

Nick sighed dramatically. "God, Greg. What the hell do you think she meant?"

"You never mentioned that you dated your twin's wife." Greg didn't waste time trying to force Nick to say it.

"That's how they met." Nick tried to blow it off. "No biggie."

"She picked _**him**_ over _**you**_?" Greg asked.

Nick shrugged. "They hooked up after I broke it off with her."

"_**You **_broke it off?" Greg could tell that Nick was still keeping something from him. "How long did you date her?"

"A while." Nick squirmed. "Can we not talk about it right now?"

Greg swallowed hard. "Were you...did you and MaryEllen...were you engaged?"

He wasn't sure what made him ask, but suddenly it all clicked together in his mind and he just needed confirmation.

"It was a long time ago, G." Nick explained.

"Yeah." Greg grabbed his grooming kit. It wasn't _**that**_ long ago. "I'm taking a shower."

Nick waited until his lover had closed the bathroom door before he flung himself backward onto the small mattress. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ He wasn't really sure why he never mentioned it. _I should have mentioned it. Damn it!_ It had been a point of contention within the family in the past. They loved MaryEllen and when Nick had broken off their engagement, he was in the dog house all the way around. He tried - he really did. MaryEllen was sweet and soft and all things feminine. Momma always said she would make pretty babies and they had all expected Nick to produce many of them. With MaryEllen.

The problem was that no matter how hard he tried - he wasn't in love with her. He loved her - sure - but there was no spark. No magic. No chemistry. Sex with MaryEllen was always put tab A into slot B and nothing more. She was so conservative and prudent that oral sex - or any sex that wasn't vanilla and missionary was out of the question. It wasn't all about sex though - it never had been with Nick - but the thought of spending eternity with someone to whom he felt more like a brother than a partner was just not something he could do.

So he broke it off. MaryEllen said he also broke her heart.

It didn't take long for his brother to put it back together.

Then the awkwardness ensured. Nate couldn't seem to get over the fact that his look-alike brother had been with his wife. Nick will never forget the words Nate whispered in his ear as he congratulated his brother on his wedding day with a brotherly embrace.

"_I'm happy for you bro." Nick said as he pulled his twin into his arms._

_Nate pulled him closer and gripped his neck in the bend of his arm aggressively. "Never let me catch you even looking at her the wrong way. She's mine now."_

"_Chill, Nate." Nick tried to pull away but his brother wouldn't let him. "If I wanted her, I would be the one marrying her."_

"_She wouldn't have married you." Nate seethed. "She said you were a fucking corpse in bed."_

"_She wouldn't say something like that." Nick knew the woman well. She would never be so...crass...even with her partner._

"_She didn't have to." Nate tightened the flesh-and-bone vice around Nick's neck. "Stay the fuck away from her."_

The next few big family functions were uncomfortable. MaryEllen wouldn't even make eye contact and Nate's unwarranted hostility toward him put everyone on edge. It seemed that it was easier to blame the whole thing on Nick. They were all still a little upset about the break up. All of that disappointment seemed to spill easily into blaming him universally for all of the tension in the family.

It all just made it easier to finally make the move he had been thinking about for well over a year. Everyone seemed relieved when he made the announcement.

So he moved and started his new life and everything had settled into place until a year later when he shook the hand of the newest DNA analyst. He was suddenly reminded of why it never happened with MaryEllen. Or any other woman he tried to connect with for that matter.

Which reminded him of why he and Nate never got along. Long before his brother married his ex-fiance. And it was this that kept Nick firmly planted in the weeds of his own fear and denial.

Until his best friend died and forced NIck to take a close look at what really mattered.

And the man currently showering in his childhood bathroom was what really mattered.

Which brought him full circle to what had started the walk down memory lane to begin with. _ I should have told him. Why is this trip messing me up so bad?_

He was pulled from his train of thought by the sound of the bathroom door opening. Greg walked out, along with a billowing cloud of steam - wearing only a towel.

The sight of it made Nick hard. _**This**__ is chemistry._ "Greg, can you give me a chance to explain?"

"You should probably grab a quick shower so we don't keep your parents waiting." Greg spoke as he dug through his suitcase to find underwear. Once he found them - Spiderman, Nick's favorite - he carefully slid them on without moving his towel.

It stung to see Greg so uncomfortable in his own skin. Greg had always seemed so comfortable naked, even after Nate...

Nick closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He couldn't even think about it right now. He decided now wasn't the time to get into it, so he stood and made his way into the steamy bathroom. As he passed his obviously offended lover and stopped and tried to make eye contact.

Greg wouldn't look at him.

"I'm sorry I never told you. It didn't seem important." Nick tried.

"I get it." Greg hissed. "Go." He pointed to the bathroom before turning to find something to wear to dinner.

Greg wasn't in the room when Nick finished his shower. He quickly dressed so he could find him. The thought of Greg on his own in this house didn't feel right.

Once he found him, Nick understood why it didn't feel right. Greg was standing in front of a wall in the formal living room. This particular wall was a shrine to all things Stoksian. It started on the far left with pictures of Bill and Jillian's wedding. Each child's section began with their respective hospital new born baby picture. The photos were carefully selected and beautifully framed and included the spouses and children of each Stoke's offspring. Nick's mom had been diligent in keeping the wall of pictures up-to-date. She rotated pictures so it didn't get out of hand, only keeping the most treasured of older images for prosperity as the years passed.

Greg had stopped at the section dedicated to the twins. Nick's section was the smallest of all of his siblings for obvious reasons - no spouse, no kids. Nate's section was substantial by comparison.

Greg was trembling. His arms were wrapped around himself protectively. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off of a picture of Nick and Nate together. They were side-by-side in matching football uniforms. It suddenly occurred to Nick that maybe this trip was more of a sacrifice for his boyfriend than he realized. He was heartsore as he watched Greg fall apart. He moved to step into the room when he heard the sound of his mother's voice.

"That was Junior year." She said softly as she placed a gentle hand on Greg's shoulder. "They were both so excited to start on the Varsity team.

"This is after...it happened." Greg said in a trembling voice.

Jill sighed sadly and wrapped her arms around him. "How could you tell."

Nick was paralyzed. He couldn't take his eyes off of them.

"I can see the faded bruises." He pointed to the picture but didn't touch it. "Right there."

"You know, no one's noticed that before." Jill admitted. "I thought I was the only one who could see it."

"They don't even look alike." Greg said. His voice seemed so far away.

Jill placed her cheek against Greg's as she looked at the old photo with him. "I thought I was the only one who could see that, too."

"It's mostly the eyes. _** His**_ eyes are black - soulless." Greg almost whispered. "Nicky's are so...kind. Beautiful. I can see everything he feels by looking into his eyes. They are so dark...dark chocolate. But there's this light in them...a sparkle or a twinkle or something. They are one of the things I noticed first. His eyes have always held me captive - for years."

"You pined after my boy for a long time, it seems." Jillian sounded pleased.

"Oh I pined, alright." Greg almost chuckled. Almost. "I couldn't just...not try. I knew it would be hard and it might not work, but I had to try. I wanted those eyes to..." Greg suddenly realized who he was speaking to. He blushed. "...well, anyway...I had to give us a chance."

Jill nodded against his cheek. "I'm so glad you did."

"Are you?" Greg asked. "Now that I'm here...I...maybe it's not possible, you know. My boyfriend is _**his**_ twin. You're their mother. These are their people." He gestured with his hands sweeping across the expanse of the wall. "I'm the just the guy who tore it all apart."

Nick could only watch - feeling ashamed for not being more empathetic about how this all must feel for Greg - as his mother wrapped the sobbing man in her arms.

"Hush, child." She soothed. One hand was smoothing across his back and the other was carding through his hair. "You didn't do anything. Any turmoil this family is experiencing is at the hands of one of my own." She rocked him a little. "The only thing you're guilty of his giving my Nicky love. You took a big risk to love him, Greg. Thank you for that."

"I think I made a big mistake in coming here." Greg confessed into her shoulder. "I don't think I can do this."

"I think you're stronger than you're giving yourself credit for, Honey." Jill soothed. "When it gets hard, you just grab me and we'll go someplace quiet until you feel strong enough to go on."

Greg pulled away to look at her. "Why are you being so nice to me after I..."

"No." She interrupted sharply. "I never want to hear you say it again. You didn't do anything wrong, Greg Sanders. What happened then and what will happen tomorrow and the next day is not your fault."

"I just feel so bad. I'm the reason for..."

"Shhh." Jill soothed with her thumbs across his damp cheeks. "No more of that." She smiled. "I can see why my Nicky loves you so much. You're an easy man to love."

Dinner wasn't as weird as Greg had feared. Jill was amazing at navigating the three men at the table. By the end of the meal Bill and Nick were both picking on Greg as if they had all known each other for years.

"Hey - not fair." It felt good to laugh. "My head is just too small. My ears are actually exactly the right size."

"I don't know, Son." Bill teased. "Don't shake your head too hard, you may take flight."

"Oh wow." Greg deadpanned. "No one's ever made a Dumbo-esque joke about them before. Very clever, Bill."

"Careful, Greg..." Bill played back. "...it's wise to kiss-up a little to your in-laws."

All chewing at the table stopped as three people gawked at Bill. "What?"

Nick swallowed loudly.

"I can evolve just as much as the next guy." Bill argued and nudged his wife at the same time.

"This calls for a drink!" Jill exclaimed while she waived to the waiter.

Nick was still on an adrenaline rush as they got ready for bed. "Can you believe it?"

"It know, Babe. It's awesome." Greg tried to be supportive even though his gut was twisted in knots worrying about the siblings showing up in the morning. He already felt outnumbered just thinking about it. "Your parents have come a long way."

"Greg." Nick grabbed him by the wrist as he crossed to grab his toothbrush. "About earlier."

"Water under the bridge." Greg insisted. "I'm going to be a little on edge this week. So don't take anything too seriously. We'll work it all out when we get home. Okay?"

"I love you." Nick almost gushed with relief.

"I love you, too." Greg reciprocated and leaned in for a kiss.

Nick practically recoiled.

Greg tried not to let it get to him. "Sorry. Forgot."

He walked into the bathroom and attacked his teeth with the toothbrush until his gums bled. _I'll feel better after a good night's sleep._

Nick showed up behind him and leaned against the sink. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying...we made such headway with my dad tonight I don't want him to walk in and see something that will set him back to the dark ages again."

Greg rinsed and spit. "I know. It's all good. Nite."

Nick could see Greg struggle to not lean in for a kiss or hug or touch or...something. He hated what this was doing to his boyfriend, but it was only for a few days. They could survive it. "Nite, Baby."

By the time Nick made it back to the bedroom, Greg was wearing an old Elmo t-shirt and faded blue sweat pants. These were Greg's version of pajamas. Greg never slept in anything other than skin, so Nick knew he would be finding sleep difficult.

Nick opted for boxers and an old A&M t-shirt. He crawled between the sheets as Greg was still rummaging through his backpack. "Have you seen my I-pod?"

"Yep." Nick answered. "It's on the counter in our kitchen."

"Shit."

"You want me to sing you to sleep, Peanut?" Nick teased.

Greg felt a little of his mood melt when he heard Nick's adorable sing-song voice being all playful and adorable. "I'll pass, Garth."

Greg sat on the small bed and looked at his boyfriend, who was already snuggling under an old quilt like he was 10-years old again.

"It's weird to sleep with this much air between us." Greg whined.

Nick nodded. "We'll make up for it at the hotel."

Greg sighed and turned the small lamp off. "Nite-nite, Little Nicky."

Nick heard the rustling of sheets and quilts and pillows being punched for comfort before he heard the thunder of heavy, rapid footfalls on the floor of their room. Before he could wrap his head around what was happening he heard the sound of a grown man losing a very expensive steak dinner to the porcelain god. He tried to remember how much Greg had to drink, it didn't seem like enough to cause him to throw up.

He sighed before he drug himself from the warm nest of bedding that smelled like home so he could play the dutiful boyfriend. He walked into the bathroom and smirked at the sight of Greg hugging the toilet. "Drink too much there, Greggo?"

It wasn't until he placed a hand on Greg's back that he realized this was more than just too much liquor with dinner. Greg was trembling. His skin was damp with sweat and cold as ice. Something was very, very wrong. "Greg?"

Greg clung to the cool porcelain. His breathing was rapid and shallow. "Ohgod..."

Nick dropped to the floor next to him. "Breathe, G. Deep breaths." He coached. Nick suddenly could care less about the rules he had imposed. He scooted closer to Greg and pulled him until Greg rested his back against Nick's chest. The touch seemed to calm him. "What's going on, Greg?"

Greg continued to steady himself as he relaxed a bit against Nick solid body. Nick could smell the strong scent of vomit and noticed the Greg got a good bit on Elmo. He pulled at the hem of the shirt, "Lift your arms for a sec." Once he had used the t-shirt to wipe Greg's chin and neck, he tossed it into the sink and pulled Greg closer. "What the hell happened?"

"Smell."

"What?"

"Smell." Greg tried to explain but it only made him freak out again. He was starting to have trouble breathing again. "Smells like..." Greg panted. "...like that day...when he...ohgod..." Greg lunged for the toilet again as he lost more of his dinner.

"Oh shit, Greg." Nick suddenly knew exactly what was happening. "I'm so sorry. I picked my own bed."

Nick wanted to kick himself in the ass. It never occurred to him that Greg would be sleeping in Nate's bed. Even after all of these years and countless sleepovers of various nieces and nephews - the bed was sure to have some lingering scent of the boy who spent years sleeping in it. _How could I not think of that._

"I'm so sorry, Baby."

Greg nodded with his face pointed toward toilet water, which was his way to say without speaking that it was okay.

"Don't let me off the hook, G. I've been a self-centered ass and you're payin' for it."

Greg shrugged which Nick interpreted as, _**Can't argue with that**_.

Nick recognized the sound of dry heaves and he kept a steady pace of back-rubbing until Greg pulled away from the bowl. He stood and helped Greg to his feel. He handed him a paper cup. "Rinse."

"Thanks." Greg's voice was rough from the rawness that comes with vomiting.

"Mouthwash?" Nick asked. He stayed close enough to be touching Greg from shoulder to thigh.

"Yes, please."

Once Greg had himself cleaned up Nick pulled him by the hand toward his own bed. "Take your pants off so you can sleep."

"But..."

"It's okay." Nick reassured him. "You know you can't sleep all twisted up in clothes."

"But..."

Nick interrupted again. "Greg...off with the sweats and into the bed."

He could see the relief in Greg's face as he crawled into the bed in his preferred sleepwear - namely nothing. Nick stripped down to skin as well and crawled into the small bed with his boyfriend.

Greg's eyes bulged in shock. "What are you doing?"

"Holding the man I love after he's had a horrible flashback, thanks to my own selfishness." Nick explained as he pulled their bodies close and tangled their legs together. He immediately felt Greg's body respond in all the right ways. "Still no sex in my parent's house."

"I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth." Greg smiled. "There will be no groping. Scout's Honor."

Nick slid his hand down the warm back of his lover. He grabbed a palmful of ass before growling a little. "A grope here and there might be okay."

Greg sucked in a startled breath at the feel of it. Even though it had only been one day - he really missed Nick's touch. "What about kissing?"

"We're definitely kissing." Nick nodded into Greg's warm lips.

After taking a few minutes to enjoy the kiss, Greg pointed out the obvious, "You're breaking your own rules, Stokes"

"I think we're going to need each other this week." Nick explained. "Especially the comfort we can only get through touching." That was a pretty deep sentiment coming from Nick. They both knew it - and Greg's eyes told Nick that he appreciated it, too.

"I've been trying to tell you that." Greg teased. "But, oh nooooooo, you insisted..."

Nick kissed him into silence. "I'm an idiot. You should never listen to me."

Greg chuckled into Nick's lips. "I think that's the first thing we've agreed on all day."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3 Hills Cast Shadows

Title: You're My Hill to Die On (Cowards Sequel) Part 3 of 7

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~5200

Warning: Sexual Content, mentions of Violence and NonCon, Mean people

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: After everything they worked through to finally be together - will a visit to Nick's childhood home be the one thing they can't overcome?

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

It was a rough night.

And it wasn't until Greg's fourth nightmare that he confessed to the man to whom he was clinging that he had been having them at least once a night for almost a month.

When Nick had held Greg's exhausted body earlier in the night as they huddled on the bathroom floor while Greg recovered from a scent induced flashback, Nick was sure he couldn't feel like a bigger dickhead than he did in that moment. To not even _**think**_ about whose bed he had left for Greg to sleep was unforgivable. And then he learned that his lover had been suffering in silence for weeks as his anxiety haunted his every dream - the nightly terror that Nick had just _**slept**_ through. Nick wasn't sure how to make it right.

Yet here was his sweet boyfriend - dark shadows underneath the dark lashes of his closed eyelids. He had finally drifted into a sleep that lasted for more than an hour without finding himself being tortured by Paul and Nate in the darkest corner of his mind. Greg was wrapped around Nick - so willing to be vulnerable - an honor Nick felt he didn't deserve at the moment.

Nick remembered a time when he would secretly stay awake all night just to watch for the first sign of Greg's nightmares. Now he didn't even wake up when Greg was fighting monsters in his sleep. The guilt and shame he felt for taking for granted the man in his arms was heavy in his heart. It was not the actions - or lack thereof - of the man Nick thought himself to be.

And Greg deserved more.

He watched Greg sleep for a few more minutes - enjoying the relaxed beauty of Greg's sweet face and the feel of his warmth pressed against him as they snuggled together in a bed much too small for two grown men. His fingers lightly carded through Greg's hair as he inhaled the only scent that he had ever found comfort and he cried quietly for the pain, discomfort. and anxiety his boyfriend had endured without complaint.

Nick kissed his sleeping man on the forehead before a quick peck to the scar on his temple. He carefully untangled himself and left Greg to catch up on the sleep he had lost to the monsters. He followed the aroma of coffee to the kitchen where he found his mother sitting at the small kitchen table reading the morning paper.

"I didn't think anyone actually read the newspaper anymore." Nick teased before he kissed his mother on her cheek. "Mornin' Momma."

"Morning, Baby." She said with a smile. "What can I say - I like the smell of print media."

Nick looked at her empty coffee cup. "Need a refill?"

"Absolutely." She handed him her cup. "No sugar..."

"Extra cream." Nick interrupted playfully. "I remember."

When he returned with two steaming mugs and sat across from her, she folded her paper carefully and looked at her son. "I heard quite a racket coming from your end of the hallway last night. Everything okay?"

"Yeah." Nick slumped back in his chair. "At least I hope so. Greg had a flashback after he crawled into bed..._**Nate's**_ bed...I'm a bastard and didn't even _**think**_ about it when I picked my old bed."

She grabbed his hand. "Oh Honey. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Why not?" Nick bristled. "Someone's got to be - Greg's way too patient with me."

"So it's his fault, then," She asked.

"No! That's not what I...no!" Nick loved and hated how on-point she could be. "I heard you two, you know..."

"What do you mean?" She prodded him to talk it through.

"Yesterday. He was looking at the Stokes Family Shrine and I could see him freeze when he saw the football picture. I was just about to get in there and pull him away when you showed up. He talked to you so...easily. You told him that when he got overwhelmed to pull _**you**_ aside so he could regroup. He should be able to count on _**me**_ for that - you know? But he didn't say that. He just nodded and looked grateful to have someone on his side. He doesn't feel like I'm on his side? _**That's**_ my fault and I don't know how to fix it."

Nicks eyes were shimmering. When he felt his mother's arms around his shoulders he couldn't stop the tears.

"Oh Nicky, Darlin', you both need some taking care of. You're both full of so much need and so much of it that conflicts with the other's - it's okay to let your momma take up some of the burden. For _**both**_ of you."

Nick's tears had become full-on sobs. "I love him so much, Momma. I can't lose him...but I don't know how to be what he needs right now. I just keep messing it all up."

"No Baby...your daddy and I messed up a long time ago and you and that sweet man upstairs are paying for it." She soothed her son with her fingernails gently scratching his scalp. "You just keep loving him - do your very best - and when you see that you're messing up let him know right away. He understands you more than you understand yourself, Nicky. Don't doubt that."

"I know he does." Nick nodded into her shoulder. "I'm so lucky."

"Yes. You are." She agreed. "And so is he."

"I'm not so sure about that." He confessed.

She chuckled fondly. "Well, I am. And I'm the momma so I win the argument."

Nick laughed in relief. "Thanks Momma."

She squeezed him in reply.

He pulled away and looked at her skeptically. "When did you and my boyfriend get so close, anyway?"

She grinned in response. "Greg's an easy man to get to know." She lovingly grabbed a handful of dark hair. "He's also an easy man to love."

"Do you think everyone will think that?" Nick looked at her through hopeful eyes.

She pulled him to her in a motherly embrace. "Eventually."

"I don't know if he and I can make it through _**'eventually'**_, Momma."

"I believe much of that depends on you, Son." That was about as tough as her love could get.

Nick knew she was right. "Oh god - we're doomed then."

She laughed and squeezed her boy. "Stop acting like you're powerless. You have to pick your hill to die on, sometimes. Picking is up to you and _**only**_ you."

When she said it - it sounded like Greg was obviously the hill Nick should choose. When Nick thought about the way he threw those same words at his lover not more than 24-hours earlier - he realized that he implied to Greg that he _**wasn't**_ the hill Nick was interested in winning. He realized that he had taken for granted that Greg was a hill already won - so there was no reason to battle for him anymore.

He essentially told Greg that he was completely on his own as he entered what was sure to feel like enemy territory.

And Greg willingly entered battle.

_**Greg**_ picked _**Nick**_.

He _**always**_ picks Nick.

"You're right." Nick sighed into his mother's bosom before he pulled out of the safety of her arms. "It's time for me to be the kind of man Greg deserves - the kind of man he's been for me."

"That's my boy." She patted his cheek.

"Am I interrupting something?" Greg's groggy voice asked from the arched kitchen entryway. "I can just grab a cup of coffee and head out to the porch."

"You're not interrupting a thing, Greg." She reassured him. "Nick was just heading out there himself."

Nick silently thanked his mother for the nudge. "You mind if I join you, G?"

The smile that lit up his lovers face was overwhelmingly poignant. "I would love it."

Once they had settled on the porch swing, Nick took a sip of hot liquid and pushed his feet against the floorboards to get them gently swinging. "You feeling better?"

"Yeah." Greg leaned a little into Nick's space without touching him. "Thanks for bending the rules. I really needed that last night."

Nick took another sip of coffee while nonchalantly throwing his other arm around Greg's shoulders, resting most of the weight of it on the back of the swing's bench seat. "My rules suck."

Greg took a sip of his own brew before agreeing. "They really, really do."

Nick nodded and slipped his arm so it was a little more around Greg than resting on wood. "Glad we cleared that up."

Greg giggled. They sat together quietly, sipping coffee and enjoying the moment.

It felt good.

"When are we expecting the first of the litter-mates to show up?" Greg asked.

He sounded nervous.

"I think Reba will be first. She lives closest. Her husband Rick and their boys are really awesome" He answered, trying to sound confident for the sake of his lover. "Paula and Ginny usually come together because they live two miles apart and neither have spouses at the moment. Ginny's two girls will be with them. The girls are a bit spoiled, but they get away with it because of the divorce. Sarah and John will come in later this afternoon. They have a boy in college, so he may not be with them. Then there's Natalie. She and Ben are coming from Toronto, so they'll be in later tonight. Sometimes they bring the kids and sometimes they leave them with the nanny,"

"Nanny?" Greg raised a brow. "For the holidays?"

"Right." Nick shook his head. "Imagine the rehab and therapy coming their way."

"Oh boy." Greg whistled. "What about...doesn't he have a couple of kids? Will they..."

"Probably not until we leave - they'll come with..." Nick swallowed. "...him."

"I hate this." Greg rested his head on Nick's shoulder.

Nick let him. "I know. And I really appreciate that you're willing to do this, G. I love you and despite my complete inability to show it - I am on _**your **_side this week."

Greg smiled and sang in a falsetto, "You and me against the world..."

Nick chuckled. "I actually think Helen Reddy had a deeper singing voice."

Greg elbowed Nick playfully. "What are you saying?"

Nick took a leap of faith and kissed Greg's forehead - right there on the front porch. "I'm saying you're _**so**_ gay, G."

"On that note..." Greg leaned into Nick's touch. "...I'm going to grab another cup and head upstairs to shower. I want to look my very best for the gauntlet."

"Tell you what..." Nick grabbed Greg's cup. "...you head up and I'll bring you a fresh cup."

When Nick made it upstairs he saw his boyfriend standing in the doorway of the room they were sharing. "G?"

He stepped behind Greg, trying to figure out what had stopped him in his tracks. It only took one look into the room to understand. Where two twin beds had been earlier in the morning, one remained. And it wasn't one of the tiny twin beds, it was a double bed that had been made up with fresh sheets and a bright blue and yellow quilt. They were both now standing in the doorway - speechless.

"I know it's still small, but it's better than two grown men squeezing into a little twin bed." Bill's voice appeared from behind them. "Your mother asked me to trade the twins with with the bed in the attic bonus room."

"Oh." It was all Nick was capable of articulating.

"I'll be out with the horses. You should show Greg around out there later." Bill said before disappearing down the stairs.

After another minute of stunned silence, Nick slipped his arms around Greg's waist while keeping the steaming mugs away from his body. He rested his chin on Greg's shoulder and whispered with mock conspiracy. "I have no idea who that man is. He looks like my dad, though."

Greg laughed quietly. "I wonder how many years you've been underestimating them."

"Probably about as many as they've been letting me." Nick said with sudden clarity.

Greg nodded. "Touche'."

Reba and Rick pulled up in front of the estate while Nick was still showering. Greg watched them from the bedroom window - biting his nails and jiggling one leg nervously. She looked like a younger version of Jillian. The Stokes were a beautiful clan - there as no doubt about it. Rick was stunning as well and as two young boys emerged from the back of the Lexus sedan, he realized that the mixture of DNA that created them was absolute perfection.

Greg's ears burned as he suddenly felt like the Ugly Duckling who never converted to the Swan. Nick came out of the bathroom naked with a towel being vigorously rubbed all over his wet hair. When Greg turned to take in the view, he suddenly craved comfort sex and felt deprived knowing he couldn't have it. "Let the games begin!" He said from across the room.

Nick stopped the hair drying to look at his lover - confused.

Greg clarified. "The first arrival just pulled up."

"Oh!" Nick crossed the room, wrapping the towel around his waist before he made it to the open window. "Rick and Reba." He confirmed. "The little one is Josh and the hyper chubby guy is Junior."

"Josh - Junior - Rick - Reba. Josh - Junior - Rick - Reba." Greg mumbled. "Got it."

"Let me throw on some clothes and we'll go down for formal introductions." Nick said. He saw the tension in Greg's posture. "But first..." He pulled Greg from the window and into his arms. Greg's surprise when their lips met was expressed by a pleasant moaning sound. Nick deepened the kiss and he felt Greg's hand skim down his back until he had pushed the towel from its precarious placement around Nick's hips and grabbed both bared cheeks firmly in his hands. Nick chuckled as he pulled away from the searching mouth of his lover.

"Greg." Nick mocked a warning tone.

Greg smirked. "You said periodic groping was okay."

"You're right." Nick snuck one more quick kiss. "I did."

They walked into the living room twenty minutes later and were greeted by the perfect couple and Nick's parents. Reba stepped toward Greg and held her hand out for a friendly greeting. "You must be Greg."

"That'd be me." Greg shook her hand and nodded. "It's good to meet you, Reba. He turned to Rick and offered his hand. "Rick."

Rick shook hands enthusiastically. "I'm so happy to finally meet you, Greg."

Greg noticed how deliberate they both were to make eye contact and to say his name. He was immediately at ease with them. "Nick's been quizzing me on the roster. You have a couple of little ones around here somewhere - right? Josh and Junior?"

"That's right!" Reba overcompensated with a shriek. "They're out with the horses."

"Nick and I were heading out there in a bit." Greg tried to find ways to break the ice a bit more. "You want to join us?"

"That sounds great." Rick chimed in. "It's always easier for the boys to meet new people when they have a distraction."

"I was a shy kid - I totally get that!" Greg looked at Nick. "Lead the way, Tex."

Nick was once again amazed. Greg had this ability to turn on the charm. He can separate the facets of his experiences with the Stokes - the hateful twin from the kind-hearted lover, the nervous anxiety from the realtime introductions. Most people wouldn't come within one hundred miles of their rapist's family home - let alone risk the wrath of meeting family and friends. Yet Greg was willing to sleep in the childhood home which was less than ten miles from the current residence of the man who changed his life forever. He was willing to meet - at face value - people who may or may not believe his version of events. Greg had not only bonded - but freely loved Nick's parents - despite the fact that they reared the evil that almost destroyed him.

And he was willing to do all of this because he loved Nick Stokes.

As the foursome approached the two young boys who were happily grooming two beautiful Appaloosa mares, Reba announced the arrival of the four adults. "Junior - Josh - come meet Uncle Nick's boyfriend."

Nick and Greg exchanged shocked glances. Nick was obviously not expecting such an open introduction. The two boys looked up shyly from their large white and black-speckled friends.

Greg crossed the remaining distance and stroked the nearest horse-face. "What're their names?" He asked the shy boys.

"This one is Rocket." The chubby Junior explained.

Josh wasn't about to be out-shined. "Mine's name is Star Gazer"

"Do you guys have names?" Greg teased while he moved to pat the other horse on the shoulder.

"He's Josh, I'm Junior." Chubs explained. "He's only seven."

"Seven!" Greg exclaimed. "I was gonna guessed at least ten!"

"Psh!" Junior sounded insulted. "I'm ten - he's just a little kid!"

"Am not!" Josh yelled.

Junior poked him on the shoulder. "Are too!"

"Moooooooom!" Josh whined - loudly.

"You know what I think?" Greg intervened before Reba could even open her mouth to reprimand her sons. "I think being seven is super cool and being ten is super awesome and now that I know the two of you I have super cool _**AND**_ super awesome friends at the same time. How cool is that?"

They seemed to contemplate it for a few seconds before Junior asked, "You wanna meet Flash and Sugar Pie?"

"Are you kidding?" Greg exclaimed dramatically. "Heck yeah!"

They each grabbed one of Greg's hands and pulled him deeper into the barn. "Come on, Uncle Greg." Josh said.

Greg turned to the three adults who were looking both impressed and surprised. He shrugged before trotting behind his chattering young tour guides.

"I think he may be too good for you, Baby Brother/" Reba teased.

Nicked chuckled. "He's most definitely too good for me."

"We'll give them ten minutes, then we're rescuing your boyfriend." Rick teased.

Nick didn't think he could possibly love Greg any more than he already did. But he realized he was wrong about that. "Sounds like a plan."

After Rick went to find Greg and the boys twenty minutes later, Reba took the opportunity to express a few of her concerns to her brother. "Mom said he was one of the most amazing people she had ever met. And I am already agreeing with her."

"He's..."

"Nicky. Rick and I talked about it and we decided to just not even acknowledge what happened last year. But if you think it would be better to tell Greg how horrible we feel about..."

"No." Nick stopped her. He wanted to get this out before Greg showed up. "You're right. You're handling it perfectly."

"Okay." Reba looked toward the large barn. "But just between us, Nicky. We don't buy Nate's bullshit for a minute. What he did to Greg is unforgivable and we want you and Greg here. We want you _**both**_ here. Okay?"

"Those horses are gorgeous!" Greg sounded like a little kid himself. "Will you teach me how to ride?"

"Of course!" Nick wanted to kiss him.

"The little J's are awesome." Greg said to Reba.

"Little J's?" She smirked playfully.

Greg shrugged. "It's kinda our thing."

"Oh boy." She rolled her eyes. "They can sniff out a sucker a mile away."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

They were both feeling more relaxed and comfortable when Paula and Ginny showed up. The sisters walked into the living room and glared at Reba. "What are you doing?" Ginny demanded of her sister.

"Um..." She looked from Ginny to Paula and back again. "Drinking beer and shooting the shit with Nick and Greg. What the hell does it look like I'm doing?"

Greg immediately tensed up. Nick was sitting next to him on the leather love-seat and noticed immediately. He tried to smooth over some of the palpable tension. "Ginny. Paula. I'd like you to meet Greg."

Greg stood to greet the two sisters. "I've heard a lot about you both. I'm happy to finally be meeting..."

Ginny ignored him and looked at Nick instead. "I had to leave the girls at home thanks to you."

"Excuse me?" Nick was thrown by the immediate hostility.

Greg backed up and slumped into his seat next to Nick.

"I can't bring them into a situation where they'll ask questions about why Uncle Nate and Aunt MaryEllen aren't here. What am I supposed to tell them?"

"Oh I don't know," Reba stepped in. "Maybe that their Uncle Nate did a terrible, horrible thing to someone very special to this family and because of that he has to miss some stuff."

"We don't know that he did anything." Ginny almost screamed. "It's just allegations."

"He confessed!" Reba yelled.

"Only because it was the only way to get home to his family!" Ginny defended her brother.

"You actually believe that crap?" Reba almost screamed. "Nate's always been a loose cannon with a hair trigger. It's not hard to believe that he would..."

"He's your brother!" Ginny _**did**_ scream. "That man is just some..."

"Hey!" Nick finally intervened.

"Excuse me." Greg couldn't stand it anymore. "I think this is between family." He stood to leave. "I'll just go upstairs..."

Nick grabbed his hand and stood as well. "You're right, Greg. It's between family. Let's give them some privacy."

Greg was a little thrown. He wasn't sure what Nick meant until Nick looked Ginny in the eye and said. "Greg _**is**_ my family too, Ginny. You're going to have to figure out how to deal with that."

Once they got to their room and closed the door Greg flung himself into Nick's arms. "Can we just stay in here for the next two days?"

"You okay, Baby?" Nick's concern was overwhelming in his tone.

"That really sucked." Greg burrowed into a Nick scented, cotton covered shoulder. "I love you so fucking much."

Nick's arms easily wrapped around Greg's shoulders. "You're my fucking hero, Greg Sanders." Nick held Greg close and inhaled against his neck. "If we weren't in my parents house I would be all over you right now."

Greg almost cried before he chuckled. "Not even a blow job?"

Nick laughed quietly. "Don't tempt me."

"Oh god, Nicky." Greg sighed against Nick's exposed neck. "I've never felt so close to you. I need you so much right now. Thank you for..."

"Please don't thank me. You shouldn't feel like there's anything to...I mean..." Nick nuzzled while he spoke. "I mean it, G. You're my family. We're a package deal."

"It feels good knowing you're on my side."

Nick's body tensed - just a little - but Greg felt it none-the-less. "There are no sides, G. I love you. It's as simple as that."

_When did that change?_ It was only this morning that Nick sat with Greg on the porch assuring him that he was on Greg's side. _And now? _ Something about that didn't feel right, but Greg wasn't about to dig too deep to figure out why. So he did what he does best - he shifted course before the train-wreck. "Do you think Paula hates me as much as Ginny?"

Nick lied. "Ginny doesn't hate you, G."

"Ooooo-kay." Greg pulled back so he could look his boyfriend in the eye. "Do you think Paula thinks I'm the destruction of the Stoke's family and reputation - as much as Ginny does?"

"Just be patient with them." Nick avoided the question. "They'll come around eventually."

"They hate me." Greg leaned back into Nick and sighed. "They blame me."

""But they _**love**_ me." Nick tried to be reassuring.

Greg wasn't reassured by that _**at all**_.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Can you pass these to Greg." Nick handed a bowl of steaming potatoes to the sister sitting to his right. Paula took the bowl from Nick and placed it in front of her plate. "Come on, P. Don't be a jerk."

Natalie, who was sitting on the other side of Paula picked up the bowl and passed to the nervous man sitting on the other side of her.

"Thank you." Greg said without looking up from the table in front of him.

Natalie merely shrugged at him.

Greg wasn't sure how he ended up sitting two sisters away from his boyfriend, but he had never felt so uncomfortable in his life. Ginny and Paula started the girl's side of the table and he was sandwiched between Natalie and Sarah with Reba finishing off the curve of the row. John, Rick, and Ben sat across the table. Bill skirted the curve of the table next to Ben, Nick skirted the opposite curve - next to John. Jill sat at the head of the table and there was an empty chair at the other end. Ginny had insisted they leave that specific spot empty to honor their missing sibling.

No one wanted to start a fight before dinner so they just went with it.

There were two things about the group of people that bothered Greg - in addition to the fact that half of them were blatantly hostile, of course.

One - there were no children. Junior and Josh were already in bed after eating an earlier dinner because they were too young to wait up for Natalie and Ben to arrive. None of the others brought their children though. Nick tried to make it seem like that was normal - or at least not that uncommon - but Greg could see it in Jillian's eyes. It was a surprising disappointment that her grandchildren weren't there.

Then there was the seating arrangement itself. Greg was on one side of the table with all the women and Nick was on the other side of the table with all the men. He was insulted. And he was disappointed in Nick for not paying closer attention.

Greg placed a small spoonful of potatoes on his plate and passed the bowl to Sarah. She took the bowl without a word.

Greg wanted to run from the table screaming.

"Greg, you want some of this chicken?" Rick asked. "Jill makes the best fried chicken this side of the Mississippi."

"The other side too." Reba added.

Greg appreciated the effort they were making on his behalf. They had both been going out of their way to include Greg in conversation and demonstrate their acceptance of him as a member of the family. When Josh whined that he wanted to hear a story before bed, Reba made a point to ask Greg if he would mind doing it. _"They just love their Uncle Greg already. It would mean so much to them if you told them one of your Norwegian tales."_

Greg wondered when Nick was going to step up on his behalf. He seemed to be letting his sister do all the work so he could remain neutral. It was annoying.

"Sure." Greg answered Reba's question. "I love fried Chicken."

The platter started making its way toward Greg, with each sister taking a piece or two as it moved along - wether they needed it or not. By the time it reached Greg there was only a small wing left. He just stared at the white porcelain and concentrated most of his energy on _**not **_crying.

At least there were no more outbursts from Ginny. And the ice seemed to be melting a little on the men's side of the table. There was still quite a bit of thawing to take place between Greg and his fellow wives, though - and he was pretty sure that he was stuck on the iceberg indefinitely.

He was exhausted.

Maintaining a fake smile and calm exterior while feeling silently attacked and marginalized was hard work. Top that off with the fact that half the table acted like he was the bad guy who perpetrated a crime against their beloved brother and the other half referred to it as the "Nate Situation" - as if it were a property dispute rather than an assault against Greg's mind, body, and soul - Greg felt like he had just run fourteen marathons in a row.

He was lost in his thoughts, so he wasn't sure who started it exactly, but he suddenly heard Reba yelling towards the other end of the table. "You're all being ridiculous."

"I'm a little sick of you siding with that..."

"Don't start, Ginny." Reba threatened. "You've been being a huge bitch since..."

"Enough!" Jill finally intervened. "I've had enough of this. We are a family and I will not have you going at each other's throats because we're finding ourselves thrown into an uncomfortable situation. This is when we need to pull together."

"Excuse me." Greg couldn't take it anymore. He loved Jillian and Bill and was so grateful for their willingness to invite him into the family home. But he couldn't take the denial anymore. Especially when NIck seemed so willing to downplay it for the sake of peace. He was really starting to believe he made a mistake. Maybe this was too complicated to overcome. Maybe love _**isn't **_strong enough to endure the conflict of interest in Nick's heart. Maybe Greg was selfish to want so much of the impossible at the sacrifice of so many...collateral victims.

Because that was the core of it - they were all victims of the circumstance created by the bastard they all called brother and son. That was the truth of it.

"Greg." Nick snapped. "Please don't..."

"I'm just not feeling well." Greg couldn't even look at them - _**any**_ of them. "Excuse me." He said again before he turned to make his escape.

Nick watched his lover walk away and knew Greg was near tears. He could see the raw emotion in his eyes before he bowed his head - almost in shame - to leave. Nick was about to take a stand on Greg's behalf - finally - when they heard a screeching torrent of unrecognizable words coming from the foyer. Nick was the first one to his feet and out the door.

He was horrified to find his boyfriend backed into a corner - his arms were raised to protect his face from the small fists that were pummeling him without restraint. Nick couldn't really make out everything being screamed at Greg, but there was no doubt the assailant wouldn't be disappointed if Greg were to cease to exist as a result of the interaction.

Nick jumped into action - wrapping his arms around the small body and pinning her arms to her sides as he held her in a tight bear-hug from behind. "Stop it MaryEllen!"

TBC


	4. Chapter 4 Shark Bait

Title: You're My Hill to Die On (Cowards Sequel) Part 4 of 7 Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~3000

Warning: Sexual Content, mentions of Violence and NonCon, Mean people

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: After everything they worked through to finally be together - will a visit to Nick's childhood home be the one thing they can't overcome?

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Let me GO!" MaryEllen screamed at the top of her lungs.

Nick held on tight. "Not until you calm down."

Nick spun them around so she was no longer facing Greg. Instead they were both now facing everyone else in the family.

Except Nate of course.

Which was the presenting problem.

"What the hell is wrong with you, MaryEllen?" Nick asked in a surprisingly calm tone. "It's not like you to be so..."

"I fight for my own, Nick." She hissed while struggling to break free. "Unlike YOU!"

She was no match for Nick's strength and they both knew it. "Just calm down, Baby M."

"LET GO!" She screeched.

"Let her go, Nicky." Jillian said while she stepped toward her distraught daughter-in-law. "You need to calm down, M.E."

Jillian always commanded respect without even trying. MaryEllen immediately stopped fighting Nick when Jillian spoke. Nick released her but stayed ready to restrain the small woman again if she went on the attack.

She spun around and glared at Nick. "YOU brought him here. Because of YOU my boys aren't spending Christmas with their grandparents."

Nick started to speak but before he could say one word she was yelling at him again. "No one wanted to bring their kids, Nick. Did you notice that. We all talked and decided it wasn't good for any of them to be exposed to..."

"Don't go there MaryEllen." Reba spoke up. "Josh and Junior are here and they're not traumatized in the least that there's one less Uncle around."

MaryEllen spun around to scream at her sister. "Do you have _**any**_ idea what that man's done to my family? He's torn it apart!"

"He didn't do anything to your family." Reba didn't back down. "Your husband did."

"SHUT. UP!" Her face was bright red from the emotion raging inside of her. "It's because of him that my children had to switch schools in the middle of the year."

"What are you talking about?" Nick was just trying to keep up.

MaryEllen spun around again. She lunged at Greg, who was still standing in the corner behind Nick, trying to figure out how to melt into the wall. Nick caught her around the waist and held her back.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to have a daddy on the sex offender registry? Do you have any idea the kind of neighborhood we are forced to live in because my husband can't live within one thousand feet of any place a child may even THINK about standing?" She was shaking and crying and slamming her small fists into Nick chest. "We're all _**branded**_, Nick. And it's HIS fault and..._**you**_ brought him here?"

"MaryEllen..." Nick tried to find words to make it okay.

"Do you have any idea...what he's...done?" MaryEllen's voice trailed into nothing as she collapsed into Nick's arms and sobbed into the bend of his neck.

"I'm so sorry." Nick put his arms around her small frame and nuzzled his face into her hair. "I'm so, so sorry." He was ashamed that he had never thought about what all of this meant for MaryEllen and the boys. It wasn't fair.

"It's all your fault, Nicky." She said as her arms tightened around his neck. "You should have married me like you promised."

"I know, Baby M." Nick tried to sooth. "I know. I'm sorry."

To say Nick's words pushed him over the edge would be an understatement. They also broke him into a zillion tiny little pieces and covered him up under twenty thousand tons of filth.

He realized with sudden clarity that he should have left hours ago. Actually, he realized he should have never come in the first place.

He didn't belong here and he never would. It was stupid to ever think that this would work. How could it? Greg had been raped. That was the bitter reality. He had been raped by a Stokes and he would never forget.

Neither would they.

The problem was that to them it was a family situation - an obstacle to overcome - another reason to circle the wagons. They were struggling to find a solution to an impossible situation. They were trying to make it okay for everyone.

But it would never be okay for everyone - not if Greg was part of the delicate situation they were all trying to reason through.

Greg had been a fool. He thought that once he had overcome the demons that kept him from being with Nick - he had won the biggest battle. That worked well in Vegas - when they didn't have to deal with the insurmountable, heartbreaking conflict.

And Nick was the most conflicted of all of them. He had just made it perfectly clear that he was in the same boat as the rest of his family. The minute he landed in Texas he had forgotten the truth of it and fallen into the same grey the entire Stokes clan had found themselves.

It was a situation that just needed to be worked around.

Nick had lost sight of what this meant for _**Greg**_.

And Nick was actually _**apologizing**_ as if all of this painful family drama really was all Greg's fault. Not to mention the fact that Nick was practically telling the woman making the most blatant accusation, that he should have married her - that none of this would be happening if Nick had just married _**her**_.

Because if he would have married her he would have never met Greg.

And Greg would have never torn apart the family.

Because ultimately this was all _**Greg's**_ fault.

At least that's how it sounded to Greg's ears.

Greg felt a ton of...loss, sorrow, shame, guilt...and so much that was sticky and without shape or definition and impossible to shake off.

He didn't even realize he had left the room until he found himself leaning over the toilet bowl throwing up. It almost felt as if he had been raped all over again.

And the need to get away was almost as urgent as it had been the night a man that looked exactly like Nick changed his world forever.

Greg suddenly felt all alone and on his own in a shark tank and he was scared out of his mind.

So he did the only thing that made sense.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Nick."

He was crying for the woman who wept in his arms. His fingers combed through her hair - it was shorter than the last time he did this, so many years ago.

"Nick."

He felt so responsible for what she was going through. He pulled her closer and kissed her temple.

"NICK!"

He finally heard Reba's voice and pulled himself out of the haze that his own guilt had created all around him. He looked in the direction of the loud, demanding voice and saw his sister glaring at him.

It confused him.

"Greg?" She glared harder with her hands on her hips and one judgmental eye brow peaked.

He released the woman still clinging to his neck. She whimpered and reached for him. When he saw the empty corner where Greg had been standing not more than a few minutes before, an instant replay ran through his mind. Only this time he saw it from Greg's point-of-view and he felt the familiar clenching in his gut as he realized he had once again lost perspective and sacrificed a piece of Greg in the process.

The feel of her hands on him suddenly pissed him off. He was more mad at himself than at MaryEllen but she wasn't without blame - so he jerked away from her touch and spun around. "Don't"

Reba smacked Nick on the back of the head. Hard. "You're an idiot, Nick." Reba grabbed MaryEllen by the arm. "You're coming with me." She looked at Nick as she led her mess-of-a-sister-in-law out of the room. "And you're finding Greg." She swept her eyes around the room. "And we should ALL be ashamed of ourselves."

"Yes." Jillian agreed. "We should."

In his haste to fix his sins against his former fiance he had lost track of his real priority - he had played hero to the wrong person. Why it took his sister to make him realize that was just another point for his long reason's-Nick-Stokes-doesn't-deserve-a-man-like-Greg-Sanders-list.

He took the stairs two at a time and barged into his old room. Greg wasn't there. Everything else was exactly where they left it earlier in the evening. Greg's suitcase was open and messy in the corner of the room and his damp towel was still crumpled at the end of the double bed they had yet to sleep in. Nick rushed into the small bathroom, ready to beg for forgiveness - but Greg wasn't there either. He decided to look in the horse barn, but stopped in his tracks when he noticed that the rental car keys were no longer sitting in the football ashtray Nick had made in third grade. There was a folded piece of paper underneath. Nick's throat closed from sheer emotion as he reached for it.

_Nicky,_

_I didn't get to choose the hill - I died on all of them. I have nothing left. _

_I tried. I really really tried. I'm sorry._

_I love you._

Nick suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Go get in my car." Rick's voice startled Nick out of his thoughts. "I'll drive."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Nick slid his keycard along the door lock of the hotel room he had booked two weeks prior to their trip. He had never felt so overwhelmingly relieved as he was when he heard, _'Welcome to Marriott Mr. Stokes. Mr. Sanders has already checked in...'_. He was thanking every god in heaven that he had made the reservation in both of their names. When the light on the electronic lock turned green, he took a deep breath and opened the door.

The room was dark except for the flickering light coming from the television. Greg was sitting on top of the made bed, leaning against the padded head board. He had the remote in one hand and a box of hotel kleenex in the other. There was a pile of crumpled, used tissue on the nightstand.

_Oh god, he's been crying_. Nick rolled their suitcases against the wall and crawled into the king-sized bed. He sat himself close to Greg, mirroring his position with shoulders, hips, and legs almost - but not quite - touching. The fact that Greg hadn't acknowledged his presence was beyond disturbing. It was absolutely terrifying.

Nick silently stared at the television and waited for an invitation. After twenty minutes of silence, he realized that Greg wasn't going to start this. He also realized that assuming Greg would open the metaphorical door for him was yet another example of Nick's selfishness. With a heavy sigh, Nick tried to fix his monumental fuck-up.

"Mexican Soap Opera, G?" Nick tried to break the ice.

Greg just kept watching television without responding. It wasn't like Greg to just ignore Nick and this made the whole situation that much more freak-out-worthy.

Nick cleared his throat. "Since when do you understand Spanish?"

Greg shrugged. "Melodrama is universal." He said without looking at the man sitting next to him.

"Haven't you had enough melodrama this week?" Nick struggled to break the tension.

Greg dropped the remote into his lap and crossed his arms protectively over his chest. "What are you doing here?" He asked sadly.

The tone of Greg's voice was heartbreaking. "I'm looking for you. When I got to the airport and saw that the next flight home was in the morning, I hoped you would be here."

"Well..." Greg huffed. "...here I am."

Nick wrung his hands nervously on his lap. "When I realized you were gone I..." It was impossible to stop the barking-sob from escaping. He sucked in some air so he could finish his thought but all he could manage was, "...I'm sorry."

"Broken record, Nicky."

Nick's heart raced when he heard those words They just sounded cold and hopeless. They sounded like the words of a man who had given up on them. "You're right."

"You shouldn't be here." Greg leaned his head against the headboard and closed his eyes. "You should be with your family."

"You're my family."

"I mean your _**real **_family." Greg's voice cracked on the word 'real'.

_Fuck_. Nick leaned his head back too. "This...what we have...is realer than anything in my life."

"That's not how it feels..."

"I know." Nick interrupted. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not going back there." Greg said. "And I'm not ready to do this with you."

The impulse to touch was unbearable, but Nick knew it would be the worst thing to do. "I was just trying to keep the peace. It never occurred to me that what I said to MaryEllen was so...vile...until Reba smacked me upside the head."

That got Greg's attention. His head snapped in Nick's direction. "Reba?"

Nick turned his own head to face his wounded lover. The hopeless features that appeared on his sweet, patient man left his heart sore. It was almost impossible to speak, but he knew he needed to clear this up before it became irreconcilable. "She smacked me hard, too. Said I'm a damned fool. Momma couldn't agree more apparently."

Greg just sat there and looked for several minutes before he started talking. It was like an emotional dam burst. "I was expecting them to be upset. They weren't there, you know. They only heard about it from a distance and by the time their brother got home it was easy to feel bad for him." Greg still had trouble saying Nate's name. "He's _**their**_ family - I'm just the guy that was named as an alleged victim."

"Doesn't make it right." Nick was so close, but still hesitated to touch.

"No. It doesn't." Greg agreed. "But I can take it from them because I understand it. And because I have you. _**You're**_ on my side. So I can handle the fall out and let you pick your hills, Nicky." Greg wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "But then you say something so...in front of all the people who already think I'm the monster who ripped apart the great Stokes Dynasty...you say that they've been right all along. You...you..." Greg eyes were refilling quickly, his lips quivered as his face contorted from so much obvious pain and feelings of betrayal. "...I'm _**not**_ one of your hills, Nicky. I'm not even in the same fucking mountain range. That's...I can't..."

"Oh god, Baby." Nick's emotional restraint was demolished by the wracking sobs of the man sitting too close to _**not**_ touch anymore. He had never felt so completely broken as he did the second he heard Greg give up on them. He reached for the wrecked man and pulled his limp body into his arms. "Oh my god. What have I done? I'm so sorry...I never meant for you to feel...you're my _**only**_ hill. I would die for you. It's only you, Greg. I was wrong. Everything I've said and done since...jesus...I was wrong, G. GoodgodwhathaveIdone? Please forgive me. Please."

Greg didn't fight him. In fact, he slipped his arms around Nick's waist and wriggled into the space between his legs. Nick took the opportunity to wrap his legs around the man before he could change his mind. Once he had completely wrapped himself around his sobbing boyfriend he finished saying what he needed to say. "I'm begging you. PleasePleasePleasePlease. Don't give up on me."

After Greg cried himself out a bit, leaving Nick's neck drenched from tears and other fluids Nick would rather not think about, he whispered. "I can't go back there." Nick almost didn't hear him. "They think it's all my fault."

"No..."

"Yes. They do." Greg screeched quietly. "And now they think _**you**_ think it's all my fault, too."

"No, G. They don't. Once Momma set MaryEllen straight, I set the rest of the house straight." Nick pulled Greg closer and breathed in the masculine scent. "And then Momma set them straight again. Everyone feels terrible..."

"About you. It's about you, Nick. They feel terrible about you, not me." Greg said without moving. "And I don't expect them to feel terrible about me. I get it. But I'm done. I just can't do it anymore. I can't go back there."

Nick moved them both until they were laying more comfortably in the bed. He held Greg close and kissed his head. "We don't have to go back. We'll stay right here..."

"I'm not having sex with you." Greg interrupted.

This sudden, random outburst made Nick chuckle. "I know."

"I'm still mad at you." Greg clarified. "You really hurt me this time, Nicky."

Nothing about that was funny. Nick sighed and held on tighter. "I know."

"I'm not going back there." Greg reiterated.

"I know."

"You might want to rethink all of this Nick - I mean us - you and me - because I'm not going..."

"I know." Nick clarified too. "And I'm not rethinking anything. You're what matters most to me. They'll have to learn how to work around us, G. You're my only hill from now on. That's how I want it. That's how it's going to be."

Greg didn't say anything.

"If you'll have me." Nick added. It felt a little like groveling, but he was okay with that.

Greg took a few minutes before he said in a quiet, sad voice. "I'm still thinking about it. I'm not sure I can do this anymore."

"Okay." That was good enough.

For now.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5  The Other Side of the Edge

Title: You're My Hill to Die On (Cowards Sequel) Part 5 of 7 Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~3900

Warning: Sexual Content, mentions of Violence and NonCon, Mean people

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: After everything they worked through to finally be together - will a visit to Nick's childhood home be the one thing they can't overcome?

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

It wasn't until Nick's cell phone rang that either of them realized they had fallen asleep.

Nick dug his hand into his front pocket to pull out his phone. "Stokes." He answered as if he were at work, because let's face it - that was his default and he was tired as hell.

"Rick said you found him." Jillian sounded concerned and relieved at the same time.

Nick nodded and stretched. "Yeah."

"Did you work it out?" She asked almost cautiously. The last thing she wanted to hear was that her son had foolishly lost the best thing that ever happened to him. Jillian often wondered when that switch had happened in her heart. At one time she would have done anything to keep her son on the straight-and-narrow path. Now, she wasn't sure what that was ever supposed to mean. Now, she just wanted her Nicky to be happy and loved and cared for. The path it took to get him there wasn't important anymore.

"I'm working on it, Momma." Nick answered honestly as he watched the man he held in his arms blinking himself awake. "This one's going to take a while."

"As it should, Son." She wasn't about to let him off the hook. "You behaved abhorrently."

"I know."

Her tone took a softer course. "So did we."

Nick nodded and sighed. "That's true." He was trying not to say too much in front of Greg. His boyfriend hated it when people talked about him.

"Please put him on the phone." She didn't ask, she demanded - in her Jillian Stokes way that was commanding and sweet at the same time.

"I'm not sure he's..."

"Don't argue, just let me speak to Greg." She demanded softly. "Please."

"Hold on." He scratched Greg's scalp with his blunt nails to get his attention. Greg was never at his best before he's had coffee.

"Greg." He placed the phone in Greg's hand. "Someone wants to talk to you."

Greg just shook his head and dropped the phone before rolling over - putting at least a foot between himself and Nick. _I still have a lot of work to do to make this right._ He rolled over and scooted behind his boyfriend, reaching around him to place the phone in front of his face. "She's not going to take no for an answer, you know."

"Your mom?"

"Mmm Hmmm." Nick kissed the back of Greg's neck. When Greg flinched it felt like a stab to the heart. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and decided to give Greg a little space. "I'm going to run down and get you some coffee."

After Greg heard the door closing and the automatic lock clicking into place he sighed and closed his eyes before putting the phone next to his ear. "Hi."

"Good morning, Greg." Jillian's relief was obvious. "I've been so worried about you."

"I'm sorry I made you worry." No matter how devastated Greg became, he couldn't seem to be angry with her. There was just something about Nick's mother that made that impossible.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Greg. I'm the one who's sorry. I had been hopeful that this family could be more...I don't really know what I had hoped. But I would like a chance to explain and try to make amends." Jillian said sincerely. "Will you join me for breakfast?"

"I...um..." Greg really didn't want to see anyone for breakfast - including Nick. "I'm not..."

"I'm down in the restaurant of your hotel."

Nick was right, she wasn't one to take no for an answer. "I need to clean up a little."

"I've got all day, I'll wait."

Greg slumped against his pillows, closed his eyes and put one arm over his face. "I'll be down in a bit."

"I'll be here."

Just as Greg was closing Nick's flip phone he heard the door lock whirring. Once Nick was sitting next to him, he placed a giant cup of coffee on the night stand. "She's down there. I saw her when I was getting coffee."

"I know." Greg sighed. "She wants to have breakfast."

"Are you okay with that?" Nick asked.

Greg lifted his arm and opened one eye to glare at the man sitting too close for comfort. He was suddenly feeling all of the pain from the night before and just wanted to be as far away from Nick as possible. "It's not like I have a choice."

"You always have a choice." Nick was leaning into Greg's space a little.

"Shut up, Nick." Greg rolled across the bed so he could get up and start getting himself ready without touching his boyfriend.

Nick was feeling a little confused. It seemed that any progress they made the night before was gone. "I'll get changed."

"No." Greg spoke as he rummaged through his suitcase. "_**I'm**_ going - _**you're**_ not."

Nick could only watch as the man he loved walked out the door without him. He curled himself around a pillow and hoped he would see him walking back in again. He was beginning to understand how close they were to ending.

And it was all his fault.

Nick closed his eyes and let himself feel the depth of what _**ending them**_ meant. He cried - for himself, for Greg, for everything that stood in the way of what they both wanted and needed and worked so hard to have. But they just couldn't get past this. Nate's words from over a year earlier bounced around in Nick's mind, _He'll never want_ _**you**_. And though Nate didn't succeed in that regard - Nick knew Greg wanted him very much - the brother who had tormented him his entire life _**did**_ succeed in creating a situation that made it impossible for Greg to _**have**_ what he wanted - for them _**both**_ to have what _**they**_ wanted.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Greg found her sitting at a small table in the farthest corner of the large dining room. She looked nervous. He hadn't known her for long, but he knew nervous was an unusual emotion for her. He slipped in the chair across from her and grabbed her hand to stop her from shredding a napkin.

"You may need that." He smiled because that's just what he does when he's around this woman. He saw so much of Nick in her eyes when she looked up from her hands to greet him.

She squeezed his hand and smiled too. "I saw Nick earlier. He avoided me like the plague."

"He's a little out of his comfort zone." Greg tried to explain what he himself hadn't quite figured out.

Jillian nodded. "We all are."

Greg nodded and did his best not to cry. "I really tried. I'm sorry - but I really, really tried."

"Oh Greg." She moved to the chair next to him and pulled him into her arms. "It's not up to you to try. It's up to us."

"None of this is your fault." Greg said.

Jillian sighed while she smoothed her hand across his tense back. She could feel the bumps and ridges that marked his incredible strength. "Of course it's my fault."

"It seemed so easy. I love him and he loves me and we were happy. I thought we would be okay. But he's not okay. And I'm not okay." Greg still tried to explain what he couldn't seem to understand himself yet. "I don't think this can work. It hurts so much to just give up on it, but I don't know what else to do."

Jillian smoothed her fingers across the emotional lines that were twisting across his face. "It's easy when you don't talk about it, Honey. You boys need to talk about it - _**really**_ talk."

"I don't know how?" Greg wasn't sure why it was always so easy with her. He wasn't sure why he found it so easy to love her. "I don't think he can handle what's going on inside of my head."

"Maybe not." She wasn't sure her son could handle it either. "But don't you think it's worth doing before you just give up?"

"It's just too hard." Greg's eyes pooled as he realized what he was saying.

Jillian saw him give up and it broke her heart. "You need to do what's best for yourself. But make sure it's about you and Nick. I know that's a tall order - but the rest of us aren't what matters - make it about you and Nick."

"But I think that's what got us here in the first place. We made it about us and forgot about the real world." Greg tried to explain. "I'll never be part of his family. Not really. He's spent his whole life trying to please you all, Jillian. That's all he knows how to do - it's like breathing for him. He can't do both. He can't love me and please his family at the same time - so he has to pick. And I'm never going to be the hill he's willing to die on when it comes to his family."

"I regret the day I ever started using that metaphor." Jillian sighed. "It's not about choosing, Greg. Please talk to him. _**Really**_ talk to him. Even the stuff that'll hurt him. Let me take care of the others."

"Why do you think I haven't talked to him?"

"Greg, darlin'..." She gripped his forearm to make her point. "Every minute you spend down here trying to convince me that I'm wrong, is time you're wasting. Get up to that hotel room and talk to my son. Talk to him as if there's nothing left to lose. Understand?"

"Perfectly." Greg pulled her into a grateful hug. "I love you."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Nick was sleeping when Greg walked into their hotel room. It was obvious that he had literally cried himself to sleep. Nick was hugging a pillow in front of him as if it were the only thing keeping him alive. Greg couldn't help thinking that Nick looked beautiful.

He had taken a long walk after Jillian pulled away from the hotel. He knew what he needed to talk to Nick about - what he should have been talking to him about since they had decided to try to take back what Nick's brother tried to destroy.

Greg didn't want to do this. He knew it would hurt Nick. But Jillian was right. Unless they talked about it, they were as good as over.

Greg grabbed the straight-back chair from the desk and moved it next to the bed. He sat in it and took a few more minutes to just look at the man he was about to push over an edge they had both been skirting precariously for well over a year. Greg closed his eyes and prayed that the fall wouldn't kill them.

Greg grabbed the bottom of the pillow Nick was holding and pulled it from his grip. Nick startled awake and took a minute to find his bearings before he could focus on the man sitting in the chair next to him. Greg always thought Nick looked adorable when he blinked himself awake. He wondered if he would ever see it again after today.

"You're all sweaty." Nick was never the most eloquent when he was waking up.

Greg nodded. "Took a long walk."

"Oh." Nick rolled onto his back and stretched. "Did you see my mom?"

"We had a nice talk." Greg leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees. "She thinks we need to talk."

"She's right." Nick sat up and scooted toward the headboard so he could lean against it. "Why are you sitting over there. Come here." Nick patted the bed next to him.

"I'd rather stay here for now." Greg said nervously.

Nick crossed his arms across his chest. "Look Greg, I'm sorry. I know I acted like a complete bastard - it was just a little hard to be clear headed with a woman weeping in my arms and..."

"Please don't." Greg interrupted him. "That's not the part we need to talk about, Nicky."

"What do you mean?" Nick was honestly baffled. "You said we needed to talk and I'm talking..."

"We don't need to talk about what happened last night, or the day before, or the day before that." Greg sat up straighter and looked Nick in the eyes. "Your brother raped me, Nicky. That's what we need talk about."

The look on Nick's face told Greg everything he needed to know. Jillian was right. "Do you realize we've never really talked about it, Nick?"

"Of course we've talked about it." Nick argued defensively "You even went to a couple of therapy sessions with me."

"Yeah, but we always ended up talking about you and your family and coming out and...we talked _**around**_ the fact that your brother raped me."

"Stop saying it like that." Nick grimaced.

"Like what? _**He - raped - me.**_ How else should I say it?" Greg pushed.

Nick tore his eyes away from Greg as if he suddenly felt unworthy of the connection.

"We need to talk about it, Nick. Then I need to tell my parents. We've seen them three times since we started dating and they deserve to know what kinds of hurdles we're facing. I need to stop avoiding what telling them will do to my mom." Greg was still avoiding the hard part and he knew it. "But _**first **_we need to figure out if we _**are**_ still dating."

Nick's shock was palpable. "Please don't give up on me, G." His eyes were glazed and his voice cracked from emotion.

"I'm not giving up on you, Baby," Greg softened. "I would never give up on you. But your brother raped me and that's not going to change. How are we supposed to get around that?"

"We've been doing just fine for over a year." Nick argued.

Greg shook his head sadly. "No we haven't. We don't talk about it."

Nick's tears were freely falling as he looked at Greg - obviously confused.

"Your mom told me once that sometimes she'll sit in that room with all the family pictures and debate with herself. Part of her wants to take down all the pictures of him. There's a part of her that will never forgive him for what he's done to me, and to you...to _**all**_ of you." Greg sighed. "She said the part of her that always wins is the mother of a son who she can't ever stop loving even if she wanted to. She said it's those moments when she understands what it means to feel stuck."

"She said all of that?" Nick looked shocked.

"She's said a lot of stuff like that to me over the last year, Nicky." Greg confessed. "Because we _**talk**_ about it."

"But isn't that hard on you?"

Greg nodded. "It's hard on both of us."

"Oh god..." Nick bowed his head and swiped his hand across his face. "My brother raped you, G." He _**finally**_ said it out loud.

Greg watched Nick crumble. It was a big step. He moved to sit next to his boyfriend and allowed Nick to find comfort in his arms. They held each other for a long time. Nick cried like he's never cried before and for reasons he hadn't allowed himself to acknowledge with so much clarity and honesty.

"I think it may just be too much, Nicky." Greg moved forward with the words left unspoken between them. "It's just too much to hold all at once."

"Greg..." Nick tried to pull himself together so he could make himself understood. He pulled back - held Greg's face in his hands and said in a commanding tone, "I love you. I've loved you for a _**really**_ long time. That's gotta count for something."

"It does." Greg grabbed Nick's wrists to pull his hands away. He wove their fingers together to let Nick know they were still connected. "But you're a brother and a son in a family who struggles to love the sinner and hate the sin. At one time that would have just meant you and your sexuality - but now it means that _**and**_ the son who raped your boyfriend. It's a lot to hold all at once Nick. How are you all supposed to figure it out if I'm around?"

Nick went into full panic mode. He gripped Greg's hands tight enough to leave bruises. "But I picked _**you**_, Greg. They can figure it out without me."

"No they can't." Greg pulled NIck into his arms after pulling his fingers free from Nick's death grip. He kissed Nick, gently and lovingly and with more compassion than he had ever felt for any other human being in his entire life. Greg felt his heart splitting in two as he spoke. "And _**you**_ can't figure it without _**them**_, Baby."

Nick tightened his arms around Greg's body. "I can't do it without you, Greg."

"Nicky..."

"No. You said we needed to talk about it. So we're talking." Nick pulled back so they could look at each other but keep Greg as close as possible. "My brother raped you, Greg. _**Nate**_ raped you."

He watched Greg cringe at the mention of his name.

"I'm so sorry, G." Nick's fingers unconsciously scratched Greg's hairline above the back of his neck. "Talking about it - _**thinking**_ about it - I can see how you would feel like the only solution is to split up. But it's not. I can't _**not **_have you - I can't undo the knot I've tied around you in my heart."

"That's the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me." Greg smiled sadly. "I love you so much, Nick Stokes. I love you enough to let you go."

"No. Don't." Nick wasn't having it. "We're figuring out another way..."

"Nicky, look at me." Greg tried to get him to focus. "He's...Nate...he's marked me. You'll always see what he did when you look at my face. So will they. It's not something that we'll ever be able to just..."

"Part of this new talking-about-it-thing is dealing with the fact that we shouldn't ever forget - none of us." Nick's thumb gently grazed the jagged line on Greg's temple. "My brother did this to you, Greg. But that's not - what he did to you - god - _**raping**_ you - that's not the most important thing that this reminds me of...it also reminds me of how strong you are. It reminds me that I'm so fucking lucky that you love me. It reminds me to never take you for granted. I just need to start paying attention to all of that instead of avoiding the _**least **_important reminder this represents."

"Nick, I..."

"Please. I'm begging. Literally begging." Nick was crying again and he sounded so desperate. "Don't leave me. I'll start therapy again - we'll both go. I'll put my whole fucking family on speaker phone for a few session if that's what it takes. Just _**please**_ don't leave. We haven't tried everything there is to try yet. Fuck, G - we've been burying our damn heads in the sand for a year. I know I'm the one who does that the most - I _**know**_ I do that - but I promise to try harder. I promise to talk about it. I promise to be honest with myself about how hard it is to love you so much and know that my brother raped you."

"Nicky..."

Nick knew he had to go all the way. He pulled the darkest truth from the deepest part of his denial. He tried to speak coherently through the forceful, painful sobs that suddenly burst from his soul. "I promise to admit that I love my brother no matter how much I hate him too. I tried not to love him, G. I don't want to love him. You're what matters most to me - _**you**_ are. Why can't I stop loving him?"

And there it was.

Greg held his broken man in his arms and felt a rush of sorrow and relief at the same time. He rocked them gently and stroked Nick's back. "No one expects you to stop loving him, Nicky."

"I'm sorry." Nick sounded like a little kid.

Greg nuzzled Nick's hair. "Jesus, Nicky. We're gonna need a shitload of therapy."

Nick jolted from Greg's embrace to look at him. His cheeks were streaked with tears. Snot was all over his face and his hair was sticking up everywhere. "Does that mean you're not leaving me?"

"After you gutted yourself like that? No way." Greg pulled his shirt off and wiped Nick's face with it. "Do I look as gross as you?"

Nick nodded. "Want my shirt?"

"Mine's already messed up." Greg cleaned himself up with it after Nick's face was in better shape. "It's going to get really hard, Nick."

"Just stay. I'll do whatever it takes." Nick kissed him.

It felt like safety for both of them.

"I think you've just proven that, Nicky." Greg's lips brushed against Nick's again. "I know how hard that was for you."

"Not as hard as it would be if I lost you." Nick's hands roamed the landscape of Greg's back. "We've made a breakthrough - I can feel it."

"Yeah." Greg agreed with a nod and another kiss.

"It's weird." Nick didn't move away from Greg's mouth as he spoke. "That was fucking hard, but I feel so...good...better...closer to you than ever before."

"Me too." Greg said before another quick kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too, G." Nick kissed him deeply.

"I really need a shower." Greg smiled. "Wanna join me?"

"You sure?" Nick was being so careful.

Greg loved him for it. "Nicky, we've just gone through hell to agree to go though more hell together. I think we deserve to have a little good, steamy sex as a reward for all of our hard work."

"You make an excellent point." Nick pulled his shirt over his head before following Greg into the brightly lit hotel bathroom.

Usually, for them, shower sex was loud and frantic. It was almost like adding water to a Gremlin - only instead of turning into a ugly little monster, they both turned into horny, foul-mouthed nymphomaniacs.

This time was different.

They moved slowly - savoring every single moment. Nick tasted every inch of Greg's skin before he found himself kneeling on a soggy folded towel as water cascading down his back, begging his lover to come down his throat. Twenty minutes later they fell into bed, steam still wafting off of their wet bodies as they moved together with silent urgency. Nick almost cried as he came inside of a man so willing to open his legs wide and become vulnerable in every way possible - to give himself completely.

If asked, they would both agree that it wasn't the best sex they had ever had together. But it was certainly the most meaningful.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6 Shattering Mirrors

Title: You're My Hill to Die On (Cowards Sequel) Part 6 of 7 Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~5800

Warning: Sexual Content, mentions of Violence and NonCon, Mean people

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: After everything they worked through to finally be together - will a visit to Nick's childhood home be the one thing they can't overcome?

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

They had only been napping for an hour when Greg woke up with his chest plastered to Nick's back. Nick was radiating heat. He loved it when Nick's body turned into a human furnace. Even in the middle of summer. Because when Nick's body blazed, Greg knew he would be melting into his lover's fire.

He pulled Nick closer and nibbled on the back of his neck. The sound of Nick sucking in air as he stirred to life sounded like an invitation. Greg's hand freely roamed the expanse of his lover's chest and stomach while he kissed and licked the salty skin of Nick's neck and shoulders. "Your body is magnificent." Greg moaned before licking the shell of Nick's ear.

Nick arched into Greg's touch. "Fuck, G."

Nick grabbed Greg's wrist and pushed his hand toward his hardening cock. He wrapped Greg's fingers around his heated flesh and together they stroked in a slow, steady pace.

"I want to feel you come all over me, Baby." The sound of Greg's voice told them both that unlike earlier this afternoon - now they were getting ready to be loud.

Very, very loud.

"Fuck..." Nick gripped tighter around Greg's hand. "...me. He increased the intensity of the friction they created together. "Fuck me, G."

It was moments like this that they had in mind six months earlier when they went together to get tested for STDs. Sometimes they just didn't want to waste time looking for supplies. Sometimes they just wanted spit and dick and an ass full of come.

Sometimes they just couldn't wait - even for a minute - to fuck.

"I _**am**_ going to fuck you, Baby." Greg panted in Nick's neck as he moved his hand from their mutual stroking, around the curve of Nick's hips and between the rounded mounds of flawless cheeks. "Keep working it Nicky while I get your perfect ass ready."

"Oh, yeah..." Nick's eyes were closed, head thrown back to give Greg more exposed neck to sink his teeth into. "...want..."

"I know what you want." Greg teased Nick's throbbing hole with his fingers before he skimmed his hand along Nick's torso until he slipped three fingers into Nick's mouth. "Suck."

Nick knew exactly what Greg needed from him. It was more than mere suckling - Greg wanted Nick to slick up his fingers with enough spit to give the slip and slide necessary to open Nick up for Greg's full eight-and-a-half, temptingly thick inches of hard heat.

Good god Nick loved feeling his ass stretched and full of Greg Sanders.

Greg felt Nick suck his fingers into the wet, hot cave of teeth and tongue. If his dick wasn't aching so desperately to be inside of NIck, he would have stayed just like this for hours - his dick grinding against the crack of Nick's ass, watching Nick pumping away at his own gorgeous cock while he worked his tongue over, around and between Greg's fingers. It was just too fucking perfect in every way possible - except one - he really wanted to fuck Nick into next week.

"Enough." Greg demanded while he pulled his fingers free from Nick's mouth. A string of spit stretched between Nick's bottom lip and Greg's middle finger and it was...so - fucking - hot.

"Lift." Greg ordered.

Nick didn't need to ask what it was that Greg was demanding of him. They had done this enough to know what needed to be done to get to where they both wanted to be. Nick lifted one leg into the air to give Greg enough access to his tight, pulsing hole to easily slide two fingers inside. "Fuck yeah, G! Just do it."

Greg almost came by just hearing Nick's immediate cry for more. He slid one more finger inside and hissed against the back of Nick's neck. "You want my cock inside of you already? You sure you're man enough for that, Nicky."

"You know I am." Nick was ready to explode from lustful desire. "Just. Fuck. Me."

Greg forced himself into Nick's too-tight-channel in one hard push. Nick screamed, "Oh fuck!" loud enough to echo off the walls.

Greg stilled himself to let his lover's body adjust. He wove his fingers with Nick's again and slowed the rhythm of cock-stroking. After only ten or twelve slow, evenly paced passes along the full length of Nick's slightly shorter, thicker dick - he was rocking his hips and begging Greg to get on with it already.

Within seconds Greg was pounding into Nick, they were stroking Nick frantically and both men were babbling words of encouragement to each other.

"Harder."

"You're so hot. So tight. So fucking perfect."

"Feels so fucking good. Don't stop. Never stop."

""Not stopping 'til you come, Nicky. Come for me. I want to feel you coming from the inside."

"Ohgod..."

Greg felt the tight grip of Nick's orgasm constricting around his his cock as he felt the warm, wet splash of Nick's come on his fingers. He let Nick ride out his high before he continued his pounding rhythm deep inside of Nick's body. "Give me." He groaned while he pulled Nick's hand toward his mouth so he could suck Nick's fingers clean. His own hand gripped Nick's thigh, holding his leg higher in the air while he thrust three more times - hard and deep.

"Perfect." Was all he said as he spilled himself deep inside of Nick.

After a few minutes of heavy breathing, Nick felt Greg slip from his body and he turned himself around with great effort to keep Greg wrapped around him. He kissed Greg's open, panting mouth. "I guess I don't need to ask you if you're awake."

Greg's eyes were closed, face flush - he smiled wide. "I'm working on it."

"I feel like we're unstoppable when we're like this." Nick said as he snuggled closer to Greg's sweaty body. His fingers were lightly skimming Greg's mangled back.

"I know." Greg nodded and reached for dark, damp hair. "We can't hide away and fuck all the time, though."

Nick chuckled. "Why not?"

Greg kissed Nick softly. "I don't want to go home and jump back into pretending everything is okay, Nicky."

"I know. I'm just wishing - that's all."

"I wish, too." Greg said. "But more than that I want _**us**_ to work. I love you so much, Nick. I want this to work. The odds are stacked against us."

"I'm going to work hard, G. I promise. I won't let you down again."

"Why do you want to work so hard, though?" Greg asked. He could tell that the question wasn't what Nick really wanted to deal with at the moment - which made the fact that he answered pleasantly surprising.

"I can't really answer that right now because I don't think I really know. The only thing I _**do**_ know is that the thought of _**not**_ having you in my world, my life, my bed, my day-to-day everything...it just scares the hell out of me. That's gotta count for something."

Greg felt a burst of hopefulness. He grazed his fingertips across Nick's jaw. "It does. It counts for a lot."

"Can we just take a few more hours to enjoy right here and right now before we jump into the real world and start the hard part?" Nick asked right before he bit Greg's ear.

Greg sighed huskily. "Sounds like a great plan to me."

"Kiss." Nick demanded before capturing Greg's mouth in a deep, wet dueling of tongue and teeth.

When Nick's phone rang they both groaned bitterly.

"Fucking real world." Greg protested - half teasing and half serious. "Can't let us have five seconds of ignorant bliss."

"I got your bliss right here." Nick teased with a sultry rocking if his hips.

"You're right about that." Greg agreed with a kiss. "But you need to answer your phone. It's probably your mom."

Nick whimpered like a four-year-old before he rolled away to grab his phone off of the floor next to the bed. Greg was right, it was his mother. "Why is _**she**_ calling?"

"Because she's worried about us, so be nice." Greg said with a nudge of his toes on Nick's ass.

Nick flipped his phone open and settled on his stomach. "Hi Momma."

Greg climbed on top of Nick's back and straddled his messy, freshly fucked ass. The sight of it made him hard all over again. He leaned into Nick and began trailing sucking kisses across has shoulders and down his spine.

"Yes, we talked." Nick continued his conversation even though Greg was distracting as hell. "We have a lot more talking to do, but I think we're both ready to do it."

Greg's teeth grazed each cheek before he slipped his thumbs between them and spread them wide. HIs lover accommodated by spreading his legs wider and angling his hips a little higher off the bed. Nick's opening was pulsing red and sticky wet. The urge to lick the mess was overwhelming and Greg wondered why with Nick, what would normally be unappealing - some would say disgusting - was just...not. Before Nick, Greg would never consider licking his own come from the pulsing, freshly fucked hole of his lover.

He'd done it many times with Nick.

He was massaging Nick's perfect cheeks while nuzzling his stubbled chin into the sensitive area behind Nick's balls - astonished that Nick could keep his voice steady with a man's face buried in his ass - when he suddenly heard the conversation going in the wrong direction.

"I don't think we're going to be back this trip...no, I don't think that's a good idea...well yeah, I can talk to him but..."

Greg lunged until he was face-to-face with NIck. He shook his head vigorously and mouthed "NO" while making urgent hand gestures to emphasize the point.

Nick looked at his lover and resisted chuckling. "No, Momma. I think we'll just give everyone a little space and give ourselves a little more time to..._**talk**_ some more." He gestured with air quotes as he said the word _talk_ just to get his boyfriend to smile.

Greg relaxed and settled into Nick's side.

"He's right here."

_Shit. _

Nick held the phone out to Greg. He was smirking. "She wants to talk to you."

Greg mouthed, _I hate you_ before he took the phone. "I can't go back there." He didn't even say hello first.

"I know, Greg." Jillian sounded unaffected by the tone. "I wouldn't ask you if it weren't important. We all want a chance to say a few things to you before you and Nick leave. To both of you."

"Can't you all just send an email or something?"

"I understand, Greg." She used the voice that Greg had quickly learned to recognize as the one that always led to Jillian Stokes getting her way.

She just waited in silence.

_Shitfuckshit._

"I'll talk to Nicky. But don't get your hopes up."

"Of course not, dear." He could hear the victory-dance in her tone.

He couldn't help chuckling. "You need to stop abusing your superpowers, Woman."

"It's true." She giggled.

"I'm out of there at the first hint of finger-pointing. Even if it's unintentional." Greg clarified his terms. "That's _**IF**_ we decide to come."

Nick grabbed the phone. "Momma. If we come out there we're only staying for an hour. Greg and I have too much of our own shit to deal with. It's _**our**_ turn. You understand?"

Greg had never heard Nick speak so forcefully to his mother. _Maybe I'm in the mountain range after all. _

"I'll call you later to let you know what we decided." Nick said. "I love you, too."

He tossed his phone back onto the floor before he rolled onto his side and pulled Greg into his arms again. "We'll make her wait for a couple of hours before we call her to tell her we're coming."

Greg laughed because if he didn't he would fall apart from the paralyzing anxiety that flashed through his body. "I don't want to see them."

"Then we won't go." Nick pulled him closer.

Greg nuzzled into Nick and sighed. "You know as well as I do that we're going."

"We don't have to go, Greg." Nick insisted.

"Just give me a couple more hours of bliss." Greg said before he kissed Nick's neck. "Then we'll give them one chance."

"You mean _**you'll**_ give _**me**_ one chance." Nick corrected.

Greg pulled away enough to look at his boyfriend. "You're taking this no-denial-thing seriously."

"I promised." Nick searched Greg's eyes. "I'm not wasting the chance you're giving me - a chance I don't even deserve."

"Don't leave my side."

"Never."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

They found themselves sitting in the car again - staring at the colossal Stoke's estate. It was hard to believe that it was only two days ago that they had started this journey.

This time was different.

Nick was gripping Greg's hand tightly and leaning across the middle console of their rental car to offer his nervous, wounded lover the comforting heat of his body. He pressed his lips against Greg's temple. "We can just turn around a leave."

"No." Greg stared out of the window. "We're here."

"The second you start to feel uncomfortable, we're out of there." Nick promised.

"Your mom wouldn't ask us to come if she thought that would happen." Greg insisted. He turned to look at Nick. "I hate this."

"We can leave."

"We need to face it." Greg's eyes were welling. "It'll be different this time, Right?"

"_**I'll **_be different this time. I promise."

"Okay...then...we should do this. It'll be good to know what we're dealing with before we go home." Greg tried to make light of it. "Fodder for therapy and all."

Nick saw right through it. Greg was wound up tight from the dread of facing the Stokes sisters again. "Greg. We _**don't**_ have to do this. I think we have plenty of fodder without putting you through this."

"I want to hear what they have to say." Greg squeezed Nick's hand. "I...need to know...you know?"

"What do you need to know?" Nick asked his lover. Greg's eyes looked giant and pleading and shimmered with raw emotion.

Greg sifted through the jumble of thoughts and feelings to try to explain what he meant. Ultimately, he realized that it just boiled down to one thing. "I need to know that they believe me."

It was tragically simple.

And heartbreaking.

Nick could only hope that his mother got this right because the thought of Greg being the target of his sister's misplaced hostility again was beyond devastating.

"I think they believe you, G. It's just a lot to work out for them. Me and Nate are the babies of the family. They watched us grow up and now one of us is...jesus...he's a monster, G." Nick repeated his earlier breakthrough to remind Greg that he wasn't confused anymore. "I love my brother, too and I hate the man he has become. I hate - HATE - him for what he did to you. I'll figure out how to balance it in my heart. I _**won't**_ let that get in the way of loving you and being _**your **_man. I get that part now. I promise - I'm on your side and you're safe with me here."

"I never told you that sometimes when I wake up and you're still sleeping I see him."

Nick was thrown by the sudden confession. "What?"

"I'm looking at you but I see him." Greg tried to explain his closely guarded secret. He never thought he would tell Nick about this part of his experience. But he realized that it wasn't just Nick who avoided talking about the hard stuff for the sake of sparing feelings. "The first time...I mean my first...I mean what I thought was the first time you...at the time I thought it was you. It was so...god, Nicky. I didn't understand why you were doing that to me. You were saying awful things and you...you _**hit **_me. You made me _**bleed**_. You tried to suffocate me while you were...when it was all happening it was _**you**_."

"But it _**wasn't **_me." Nick could feel his chest caving in.

"I didn't know that until later. Sarah told me. Fuck, Nicky - I didn't even know you had a brother - let alone a _**twin**_." Greg saw Nick freaking out and hurried to make it make more sense. "Sometimes when I have nightmares - it's still you. Because there's a tiny part of me that won't forget what it felt like to be...betrayed so...violently...by a man I love and trust. So when I wake up sometimes it's not him I see, because when he was raping me he was _**you**_. I never wanted to tell you about it. I thought it was just too twisted and fucked up. But god, Nicky - if it's all jumbled up for me sometimes - how could I ever expect for it not to be all jumbled up for _**you**_?"

"Fuck, G." Nick was obviously stunned. He stared at the dashboard and tried to put his thoughts together. "I just never thought about...what kind of person am I that it hadn't occurred to me that you...I don't think I wanted to think about it. I mean...I _**did**_ think about it...honesty right? We're doing honesty. So yeah, I _**did**_ think about it sometimes and it kinda pissed me off that you could think I would do that to you. Then I would feel so guilty for feeling that way and then I would just bury it as deep as I could so I didn't have to deal with it because it just felt too..."

"Messy?" Greg offered.

"Yeah. Messy." Nick looked into Greg's eyes. "Our therapist is going to make a fucking fortune off of us." Nick pulled Greg into a kiss. "Thank you for telling me."

"I should have told you last night." Greg admitted.

"Yeah." Nick nodded and smiled ever-so-slightly. "Maybe we can work on our timing for all this anti-denial-talking-stuff. Now I have a billion things I want to ask and say and...fuck Greg - I wish you felt safe enough that you could have told me this a long time ago."

"Me too." Greg rested his forehead on Nick's. "I'm sorry for dropping it on you right before we face the tribe, but I just needed you to know that you're not the only one trying to tease apart a really fucked up combination of trauma."

"We're talking about this later, G. A lot. But before we pack it away for a bit, I need to know one thing." Nick's hand squeezed the back of Greg's neck. "Does it happen a lot?"

"Not anymore." Greg soothingly rubbed the side of Nick's ribcage. "Right after I moved into Sarah's place it happened all the time. I swear I had nightmares every time I closed my eyes and it was always you. Then it started changing. The more I saw you and the more we worked together - the more different the two of you became in my mind. That helped. But after that first time...the first time you topped... do you know that you never stopped looking at me, even when you came?" Greg seemed lost in the memory before he finished his thought. "It hardly ever happened after that day."

"But it still happens?"

"Yeah." Greg looked sad and sorry. "Every once in a while."

"I want to talk about it." Nick's thumb caressed his lover's jawline. "Okay?"

"Okay." Greg smiled. "I don't know why I suddenly needed to tell you - but I feel so much calmer now - like we're in this together."

"We _**are**_." Nick affirmed. "I promise."

This time Nick was keeping his promise. He wove their fingers together in front of the car and didn't let go. When his father led them into the formal living room, Nick gripped Greg's hand even tighter and scanned the room with challenging eyes. Greg stood a little taller and tried to concentrate on not looking like he wanted the floor to swallow him up.

Jillian acted as family spokesperson with even the angriest of the sister's nodding in agreement along the way. It was eloquent and heartfelt. She thanked Greg for coming. She told him that they were all so sorry for the way they behaved. She said they were all amazed by his grace and strength and appreciated that he loved their beloved Nick so much. Then she said what he needed to hear more than anything else.

"We believe you, Greg. All of us. And we are truly sorry if we made you feel otherwise."

They didn't go as far as Nick did the night before. Nate's name wasn't mentioned. The word 'rape' was not uttered once.

Greg was okay with that. It was a step in the right direction. For the first time since he stepped foot in the massive Stoke's homestead, Greg felt at ease.

Nick thought it was just so _**Greg**_ when his boyfriend said he wanted a group picture to remember the momentous occasion. He trotted out the front door to grab his camera from the car and Nick swore he felt his heart grow three sizes larger thinking about how lucky he was to have Greg to love.

Nick was only half listening to the relieved discussion that ensued after Greg thanked everyone in the room for being so willing to create a safe place for him within the family. He kept watching the front door and wondering what was taking Greg so long. After ten minutes he excused himself to go find his boyfriend.

He froze when he stepped onto the wide porch. "Nate?"

Nate was standing next to his truck, yelling at someone on his cell phone. He spun around when he heard Nick's voice. "Just get your ass out here. I gotta go." He hung up and crammed his phone into his pocket.

Nick scanned his surroundings - looking for Greg. His heart was racing. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm part of this fucking family! Why the fuck shouldn't I be here?" Nate's body was wound like a tight coil. Veins were bulging on his red face. Spit flew from his mouth as he screamed at his mirror image.

Nick was immediately on high alert. He stepped slowly down the steps of the porch, still looking for Greg while also keeping his eyes on his brother. _I wish I had my sidearm._ Nick wasn't about to underestimate his brother's potential for harm.

"Momma said you weren't coming this year." Nick kept his voice low and steady.

"Oh really?" Nate began to pace. "That's weird, since everyone was expecting me tomorrow. Oh wait - that's right. Momma called this morning to tell me not to come at all this year. Something about the family needing to regroup. You wouldn't happen to know what the _**fuck**_ that's all about, would ya Brother" He was seething.

"We're all trying to figure out how to deal with you, Nate." Nick made it clear that Nate's bullshit wasn't going to fly with him. "It's a little rough on everyone. We've never had a rapist in the family before."

Nate lunged toward Nick, but Nick was expecting it, so he jumped to the side before Nate could tackle him. Nate fell to the ground in a cloud of dust.

"You need to calm down." Nick yelled and tried not to sound scared.

Nate jumped to his feet. Every step he took toward Nick, Nick took a step back and to the side. They were circling. It was a surreal image to see two identical men matching move for move.

They were both too focused on each other to notice the porch full of people anxiously watching the battle between brothers.

"You brought him here, didn't you?" Nate spat.

"Who are you talking about?" Nick wasn't giving up any information. Especially when he had no idea where Greg was.

"That fucking fag." Nate screamed. "You brought that fucking fag!"

"Do you kiss our Momma with that mouth." Nick deflected.

"Fuck you!" Nate was pacing again. "Where the fuck is he?"

"Why, Nate You want another shot at him?" The acid churned in his stomach as he said the words out loud. But once he started letting it out, he couldn't stop. "You didn't get enough the first time around Nate?"

"Watch it, Nick." Nate warned.

"Tell me something, Nate - you cowardly bastard. Did you rape Dillan, too?" Nick suddenly wanted to beat the man who looked exactly like him. He wanted to beat him until he would never look the same again.

"Dillan? Who the fuck is Dillan?"

"My high school boyfriend, you asshole. Did you rape him too?" Nick screamed. "Answer me!"

"Nah..." Nate's face transformed into an almost evil smirk. "I just watched."

"Jesus." Nick fought the urge to pounce because he was fairly certain Nate would kick his ass and Nick wanted to be fully functional when he found Greg. "Why would you do something so...how many others have there been, Nate? Why would you do something so..."

"You brought some fag into your parent's home and you stand here and judge _**me**_?" Nate spewed. "How could you disrespect your family like that?"

"Do you even hear yourself?" Nick was more disappointed than angry. "You raped my boyfriend. You _**raped**_ him, Nate. You almost _**killed **_him."

"I'm the one that belongs here, Nick. Not him." Nate looked menacing. "I _**should**_ have killed him when I had the chance. None of this would be happening if I would have just finished him off."

"Nate?"

MaryEllen's voice surprised both men. She was standing in front of her minivan. Two young faces were peeking out of the passenger window. She looked utterly devastated. "So...it's...true?"

"Go find him, Nicky." Jillian said with her hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "Your Daddy and I will take it from here."

When he barged through the open door of the barn he almost ran over Ginny. She was frozen on the spot, staring into the farthest corner of the dimly lit tack room. Nick followed her eyes until he saw what had captured her attention so completely.

"I found him." She said to her brother.

Nick nodded in shock. "I see."

Greg was huddled in the corner trying to make himself as small as possible. Even in the dim lighting Nick could see that his lover was shaking uncontrollably. He could hear a faint murmur of words - almost chanting - but he didn't understand what Greg was saying.

He pushed Ginny aside and rushed to kneel next to his lover. Once he was close enough to see and hear and _**smell**_ his lover, Nick could barely breathe.

Greg smelled like vomit and was nearly catatonic as he rocked himself and muttered the same words over and over and over again. "...Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me..."

It felt like the earth fell away from beneath him as he realized with sudden, horrifying clarity how little he knew about Greg's ordeal. _He thought he was going to die. Fuck. My baby thought he was going to __**die**__._

Nick wasn't sure how to help. Even after the worst of his nightmares, Greg had never been this...gone. Nick was afraid to touch him. He was afraid to speak too loudly. He was just afraid, period.

He wasn't sure Greg could bounce back from this one.

Nick spoke softly and resisted the urge to pull Greg into his arms. "No one is going to hurt you, G."

Greg flinched at the sound of Nick's voice. His body trembled violently. His voice got quieter, as if he were trying to hide, but the pace of the chanting increased until the words strung together in such a way that Nick couldn't tell them apart.

"You're safe, Baby." Nick kept his voice as gentle as possible. "I'm here - Nick's here. You're safe."

Greg rocked himself faster. He wrapped his arms tighter around his legs and buried his face deeper into the space between his knees and his chest.

Nick knew better than to touch him in the state he was in, but he hadn't ever seen Greg so disconnected and he wasn't sure how to help him find his way back to the present. "Greg." Nick tried to get his attention. "I'm going to give you something. I won't touch you, okay? I just want to give you something."

Nick pulled his shirt over his head and gently placed it on top of Greg's knees so that it was as close to Greg's face as possible.

Ginny watched from a distance. She was perplexed by what Nick was doing and a little concerned that she would be witnessing way more gayness that she was ready to deal with. Then she saw the terrified man in the corner pull Nick's shirt into the space between his face and his knees. He barely moved in the process - obviously still terrified and lost someplace dark and painful. It was impossible to stop watching.

"It's me, G." Nick scooted a little closer while Greg pressed his face into the fabric of his shirt. He was relieved when Greg stopped chanting. "You're with me. No one will hurt you - I won't let anyone hurt you."

Without uncurling from his tight ball, Greg leaned toward Nick's voice. Nick kept talking, hoping the sound of his voice and the scent from his shirt would pull Greg back from wherever he went to escape from his living, breathing nightmare. Greg's body still trembled, but his rocking slowed. "We're going to sit right here, G. Just you and me. For as long as it takes. Okay? I'm right here with you. You're safe. No one will hurt you."

Nick felt the tension in his chest loosen a little when he felt the weight of Greg's body leaning into his chest. Greg was hot and sweaty and he had obviously thrown up everything he had eaten that day. Nick didn't care about any of that though - he just wanted to hold Greg until he stopped shaking and was no longer trapped inside of the scary place.

He slowly wrapped his arms around Greg, a little at a time so he would feel like he had options if he didn't want to be touched. The relief Nick felt when Greg leaned a little closer instead of pulling away was overwhelming.

Greg stayed in his protective ball while Nick gently pulled him closer. After the longest five minutes of Nick's life, Greg started relaxing. He turned himself so he could burrow his face into Nick's neck and carefully unwound from his knot-of-fear to sneak his arms around Nick's waist. They stayed like that for a long time - just quietly reconnecting.

Once Greg's body had stilled completely and his breathing was back to a regular rhythm he whispered into Nick's neck. "Is he gone?"

"Yeah." Nick hoped he wasn't lying. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't think he saw me." Greg sounded like he was trying to reassure himself more than anything else.

Nick scratched Greg's back gently. "He didn't. You did good, Baby. You did real, real good."

"I puked all over myself."

"I noticed." Nick smoothed his hand up Greg's spine until his fingers were buried in Greg's hair.

"Stinks." Greg said.

Nick nuzzled Greg's hair. "It's not so bad."

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" Greg asked while one of his hands skimmed the exposed flesh of Nick's back, Nick's shirt was still held tightly in Greg's other hand.

"Gave it to you."

"Oh." He said without any indication that he was giving it back any time soon.

Nick just held Greg silently for a while longer. He realized that from this point forward Greg would be the center of his universe and everything and everyone else would simply orbit around him. He also realized he no longer had a choice in the matter. "Are you still feeling sick?"

"I don't think so." Greg didn't sound so sure of himself. "Can we be done now?"

"Yeah, Baby." Nick soothed. "I think you've gone above and beyond a few times over. Let's go to the hotel, order a ton of room service, crawl in bed, and watch Transformers all night."

"I feel like I've been through a war, Nick." Greg admitted. "I don't think even Shia Laebouf will help right now."

"Can't hurt." Nick teased.

"God, Nicky." Greg's voice cracked with emotion.

Nick realized it was too soon for humor so he sighed in a supportive way and kissed Greg on top of the head. "I know. Let's get out of here, Sweetheart."

"Is he gone?" Greg asked as if he hadn't already asked once before - he was way beyond nervous and well on his way back to terrified.

Nick tightened one arm around his traumatized boyfriend while he dug into his front pocket with the other hand before he tossed his keys to his sister. "Ginny, do me a favor - pull our car back here. Park it right in front of the barn door."

Ginny caught the keys before they hit her in the chest - but she was still frozen on the spot.

"Ginny! Go!" Nick demanded.

"Right." Ginny finally pulled out of her daze. "I'll make sure everyone stays out front."

As Ginny made her way to the front of the house, she realized with shameful clarity that she had demanded family loyalty for the sake of the wrong brother. She also understood that love was love and her brother had found it in Greg.

And surprisingly - she was okay with that.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7 Closing Circles

Title: You're My Hill to Die On (Cowards Sequel) Part 7 of 7

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~3700

Warning: Sexual Content, mentions of Violence and NonCon, Mean people

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: After everything they worked through to finally be together - will a visit to Nick's childhood home be the one thing they can't overcome?

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

When Greg walked out of the bathroom he was shocked to find his boyfriend sitting on the giant, _**crowded**_ king-sized bed wearing worn, baggy, faded blue sweatpants - surrounded by no less than four trays of food. "Hungry, much?"

Nick looked up from the pay-per-view guide. He was relieved to hear a touch of playfulness coming from his lover. "Since you wouldn't tell me what you wanted, I ordered everything on the menu that was fried, cheesy, or loaded with sugar."

"My comfort food." Greg smirked. "How thoughtful."

"They have two Transformers and the entire X-men collection." Nick held up the guide. "Looks like we're all set for the next twelve hours."

"Anything without a vampire or a werewolf is fine with me." Greg secured the towel around his waist and pointed to the bed. "You think you could make a little room for me?"

Nick quickly moved trays around until there was a clear spot of bed next to him. He patted the spot near to his hip. "Hop on in here, G."

Greg crawled into bed, carefully avoiding a tray of silver-dome-covered plates until he was laying next to Nick. Nick was sitting with his back against the headboard, so Greg rested his head on Nick's thigh. He put one arm over Nick's legs, and settled in as if Nick were a warm, muscly pillow.

"You're not going to eat?" Nick asked while he combed his finger's through Greg's wet hair.

"Yeah." Greg closed his eyes and sighed. "I just need to rest my eyes for a minute. I'm so _**tired**_, Nicky."

"It's been quite a day, G." Nick kept petting him. "I'm just going to sit here and watch you sleep. Just like I used to. I'll chase away the nightmares just like I used to. You just get some sleep."

Greg was asleep before Nick finished his sentence. His towel had slipped as he settled into bed and was now barely covering his hips. Nick was relieved that Greg was still so comfortable with him after the extreme flashback he had experienced earlier.

He was still trying to shake off his _**own**_ run-in with his twin. He remembered how close they used to be when they were young enough to dress in the matching outfits gifted to them by every female relative on both sides of the family tree. He tried to figure out when Nate started veering down the wrong path. It was like one day his mirror-image shattered into a million pieces and Nick could no longer recognize himself in his twin.

They were like the proverbial good and evil. It was just always hard for Nick to tease apart which one _**he**_ was - he _**was **_the gay family secret after all. And Nate never let him forget it - no matter how many women Nick fucked...or promised to marry. And with a family who chose to cover up for one son's hateful history of violence for the sake of hiding another son's sinful sexuality, what _**was**_ Nick to believe.

It was a confusing self-image. It was a confusing, twisted-up form of brotherly love. It was confusing in almost _**every**_ way for most of his life. And in ten minutes of unrestrained venom in the front lawn of his parent's house, his brother managed to clear it all up - for _**all**_ of them. Nate made it perfectly clear which twin was _the good_ and which twin was _the evil_.

Nick wasn't confused anymore.

Nick traced the contours of Greg's face with his fingertips. He remembered how young Greg looked when he had first fallen in love with him. Greg was the new lab rat - full of energy and trying so hard to prove himself. Greg earned a few shadows over the years - mostly around the eyes and under the bones of his cheeks. His heart was still wide open and unblemished though - _beautiful_.

Nick's eyes filled with silent tears as one finger mapped along the jagged line marking his lover's face. It had only been three days since they left Vegas, but it felt like years. Greg had endured so much just to be a part of something that was way more important to Nick than it would ever be to Greg. Nick was absolutely sure that Greg would have been perfectly content without ever knowing the bulk of Nick's large Texan family. Nick realized how humiliating and painful it must have felt for Greg to face people who knew intimate details of his most private shame - many of whom either blamed him or didn't believe him. All of them unable to separate the truth of Greg's personal trauma from the impact his attacker had on the family dynamics.

Despite it all, Greg stayed steady and committed to standing by Nick's side. He pulled it off for much longer than most people could or would. It was actually a little hard to understand _**why**_. Greg was amazing and beautiful and easy to love. He didn't need to tie himself down with a guy who brought so much baggage in so many horrible, painful ways. He wondered if he would be so willing to try so fucking hard if roles were reversed. He cringed as he admitted to himself that if the way he's been acting since they walked on a plane three days ago was any indication - the answer was no. He wondered if Greg knew that. He wondered how much that would hurt if he _**did**_ know.

The next thing he knew, Nick was waking with a headache that radiated down to his shoulders. He sat up straight in bed and rubbed the back of his neck while he twirled his head around in large, sweeping circles. When he finally opened his eyes Greg was standing next to the bed wearing his _'Caution: Contents may explode under pressure'_ boxers, eating a piece of cold fried chicken.

He handed the half-eaten thigh to Nick. "Hold this." After crawling between Nick and the headboard and wrapping his legs around Nick's hips, Greg started to knead Nick's tight, sore muscles. "Why the hell did you sleep sitting up like that?"

"I didn't mean to fall asleep." Nick said in a sleepy voice. He took a bite of chicken when the smell reminded him that he hadn't eaten in over 24-hours. "Mmmmm, this shit is good cold.

"I know, right?" Greg agreed. "Not everything you ordered held up so well, though." Greg smacked Nick's shoulder. "Relax, Babe."

"I'm trying."

Greg pulled Nick toward him until he was leaning against his chest. He put his arms around him and rubbed his chest and abs. Nick found it much more relaxing than the massage for some reason.

Greg kissed his neck. "Sorry I fell asleep. I feel bad that you wasted money on all this food."

"It's fine, G." Nick assured him. "I'm just glad you could sleep. Did you have any nightmares?"

"Not a single one." Greg squeezed Nick's chest.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"That smells so good!" Greg's chin rested upon Nick's shoulder as he peered into the stockpot from behind him. His hands were unconsciously gliding across the muscled abdomen covered by a grey t-shirt and a _'Make-Out With the Cook'_ apron.

"It's your mom's recipe." Nick sounded almost proud. "I hope she likes it."

"I can guarantee that what's in that pot is better than anything she's ever even _**dreamed **_of cooking before!" Greg laughed. "I didn't even know she knew what a recipe was!"

"Be nice." Nick warned. "That's my mother-in-law you're talking about."

They had a simple, private ceremony the week after they moved into their new home. That was the week before Thanksgiving - which was six months after they had gotten back together - which was three months after they decided they needed to take a break (neither one of them could call it a break-up) - which was two months after they started couple's counseling - which was one month after Nick started intense individual therapy - which was one day after they flew back from Texas - two days early, feeling four hundred years older.

And now they were having seventeen adults and six children in _**their **_home for Christmas dinner - a mixture of Stokes and Sanders. Something about it felt like completing a circle they had started the moment they shook hands in a glass-walled laboratory over ten years earlier.

At many points over the last year, they weren't sure they would ever make it to this place. Once they got home from Texas, things seemed to be going along as well as either of them expected. It was hard but they were both feeling good about the progress they were making. It was after Greg told his parents about the rape that the progress came to a screeching halt.

Okay - there was a full blown regression if the truth were to be told.

Greg felt that he had no choice but to end it. What else could he do? Nick refused to see his parents once they knew. He said he couldn't - it was too uncomfortable to face them once they knew what his brother had done to their son. Greg took it into the next couple's session - he thought it was the perfect forum to find the compromise. When Nick walked out half-way through the session, Greg knew it was over.

He was no longer willing to be the only one taking risks. Nick was making so much progress in so many ways - but the fact that he wouldn't go through the discomfort of facing the unknown of will-they-or-won't-they-hate-me, after Greg's leap into the shark tank months earlier, was the tipping-point.

They loved each other too much to be mad. Greg understood where Nick was coming from and Nick understood that Greg deserved more from him. They amazed everyone by how well they worked together - in fact, they were an unstoppable team at work. But privately - in separate condos twelve miles apart - they were miserable without each other.

When Greg was back home for a long weekend and he returned to his parent's house after running to the corner to get his mother an Easter bouquet, he found Nick sitting at the kitchen table with his folks.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Greg just stood in the kitchen doorway holding a forgotten bundle of yellow tulips with a gaping expression of pleasant surprise._

"_Nicky?"_

_Greg watched as his mother squeezed Nick's hand before she and his dad got up and walked out of the back door to give the two men some privacy._

"_What are you doing here?" Greg asked without any hint of disappointment._

"_I miss you." Nick stood, but didn't move toward Greg._

_Greg felt his heart racing. "We see each other every day at work." He didn't want to get his hopes up._

_Nick took two steps closer. "I __**miss**__ you, G."_

"_I miss you too." Greg dropped the flowers and threw himself at the beautiful man pleading with his dark, glazed eyes for just one more chance to get it right. Greg wasted no time - he immediately crashed their mouths together in a grateful, breathless kiss. _

"_You were right to leave me. I really worked on myself, G. I worked on stuff I would have never touched if you wouldn't have left."_

"_Nick..."_

"_Just listen." Nick continued to argue his case. "I thought I was done. After Texas and the talk-about-it-rule...and everything we dredged up and wrestled with...but I wasn't done. I didn't know that until you left. I'm still not done - but I'm ready now."_

"_Nick..."_

"_I know. I've said it before. But this time it's true. I'm ready. Even my shrink says I'm ready. And Christopher says he can get us in next week so we can start couple's counseling again. I miss you so much."_

"_Nick..."_

"_Please, Greg..."_

"_Nick would you shut up for a minute so I can tell you I never wanted anything more in my life than to be with you." Greg said really fast before Nick interrupted again. "I'm ready, too." _

"_You are?"_

"_I was ready the second I walked through that door and saw you sitting at my parent's kitchen table." Greg kissed him again. "That's huge."_

"_Just like that?"_

"_Yeah." Greg nodded. "You want me to make you work for it?" Greg smirked._

_Nick grinned. "Maybe a little."_

_Greg pulled them closer together and whispered into Nick's ear. "I think there are better ways to expend your energy."_

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"The place looks great." Reba and Greg stood in the kitchen. He was glad to get a few minutes alone with her. Though he would never admit it, Reba was his favorite Stoke's sister. "I can't believe you guys just moved in a month ago."

"Fortunately we had two condos full of furniture to merge together." Greg chuckled. "We're calling it Eclectic Sheik and pretending like it was intentional that nothing really matches."

"You're pulling it off." Reba grabbed Greg's hand. "He looks so happy, Greg. Really, really happy. So do you."

"I am happy." Greg smiled. "I think he's happy - he gave me this, so..." Greg held up his left hand. The white gold band twinkled in the bright light of the kitchen. "...that's gotta count for something, right?"

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Greg was running on fumes when he finally made it into the locker room. He had been on his feet for the better part of the last twelve hours - except for the few hours he spent on his knees searching for bone fragments in a pile of wood chips. He dropped onto the bench in front of his locker and sighed out loud from how good it felt to sit. _

_He saw the yellow post-it note stuck to the front of his locker and smiled when he recognized the curves and loops of the writing. He leaned forward enough to yank the note free. Disappointment washed over him as he read it._

_**Hey Gorgeous - I'm out at a scene for a while. Meet you at your place later. Rock on - Nick**_

_Greg smiled. They had settled on 'rock on' as their secret code for 'i love you' after Riley teased them mercilessly when Greg said the three words to Nick one night as they all worked a scene in Henderson._

_Sometimes Riley got on his nerves. He'd rather have Sarah back._

"_You're still here?"_

_Speak of the devil. "Heading out now."_

"_Would you mind dropping me off at the car place?" Riley asked while rummaging through her locker. "They just called and said it's ready."_

_That was the last thing Greg wanted to do. "Sure."_

_Riley slammed her locker shut. "Thanks, Greg."_

"_No problem." Greg lied. "Let's go."_

_He had been driving for twenty minutes - turning right and left on Riley's command - and they still hadn't reached their destination. "Are you sure you know where you're going?"_

"_We're almost there." Riley assured him. "Turn left at the next street."_

_Greg was confused. "Your car place is in a residential neighborhood?"_

"_Right there!" Riley shouted. "Pull over."_

_Greg thought Riley had lost her mind until he saw Nick leaning against her car in the driveway of a newly constructed ranch-style house. Riley jumped out of the car before Greg could ask questions and took the keys from Nick's outstretched hand before they high-fived. He watched her drive away while Nick walked to his car and opened the door._

_Nick leaned on the roof of Greg's car and looked at his confused lover - smirking._

"_I thought you were at a scene." Greg knew his boyfriend was up to something, but wasn't sure what. It wasn't his birthday. He was pretty sure they didn't have an anniversary of any significant moments of their time together. At least he __**hoped**__ he hadn't forgotten something significant._

_Nick held his hand out for Greg. "I want to show you something."_

_Greg followed Nick into the back yard of the obviously vacant house. He was amazed by how beautiful the view was. The yard opened up to open desert. There was a good view of the far off mountain range and watching the sun rise above the peaks was stunningly beautiful._

"_You wanted to show me the sun rise?" Greg teased. "We could have watched it from my balcony - which is only ten feet away from my bed."_

"_Don't you remember this place?" Nick asked._

_Greg looked around the familiar surroundings. They had been here only three weeks before while working a grisly scene down the street. As they were heading back to the lab Greg noticed the open house sign in the yard and asked Nick to stop. He thought it would be fun to pretend they ere house-hunting. _

_At the time Nick just rolled his eyes and told Greg he was weird before pulling over to indulge him. Greg loved the house and couldn't stop talking about it all week. He said some day he hoped they would have a house like this - together. _

_The way he said it had been tugging at Nick's heart ever since._

_He fell to one knee while Greg was distracted by the rising sun. When Greg finally noticed he couldn't seem to put two words together. Nick loved that what he was doing was having that kind of affect on his lover._

"_I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you said the first time we were here." Nick said nervously. "I want it too, G." _

_Greg smiled and combed his fingers through Nick's hair. "What's going on here, Nicky?"_

"_Well...I'm killing my damn knee on a concrete patio of a house I'd like to buy with than man I want to spend eternity with." Nick pulled a small box out of his front pocket. "So I guess what's going on here is a proposal of sorts."_

_Greg's eyes filled with emotion when Nick opened the blue, velvet box to reveal two white gold bands. It was an embarrassingly romantic gesture and he couldn't love NIck more for going so far outside of his macho comfort zone to do it. _

"_Greg..." Nick took a deep breath. "...will you spend the rest of your life tied to a mortgage with me?"_

_Greg laughed. He couldn't have asked for a more perfect moment from his beautiful cowboy. He pulled Nick to his feet. "Get up here before you hurt yourself."_

_Nick stood and wrapped Greg up in his arms. "Well?" He asked._

"_Yes, Nicky." Greg kissed his lover. "Let's do it."_

_It was the closest thing to a marriage proposal they would ever get - and it was perfect in every way because it was just so...__**them**__._

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Thank you for giving him...well...a _**life**_."

When Reba's eyes filled with emotion she looked so much like Nick. "He gave me a life, too."

"Damn it, Greg." She pulled him into a sisterly hug. "You seriously have no clue how special you are, do you?"

"Hey!" Nick teased as he walked into the kitchen with an empty platter. "Hands off my man!"

"I can't help it - he's too adorable." Reba kissed Greg affectionately on the cheek.

Nick handed Reba another platter full of peel-and-eat shrimp. "Take this to the mob before they start eating our couch."

Once they were alone NIck kissed Greg enthusiastically. "This feels right." Nick gushed between kisses.

"I would hope so since we've we've been doing it for a couple of years now." Greg teased.

"No..." Nick smacked Greg's ass. "I mean this party. Our people are blending perfectly. It feels so good to have them all here...in _**our**_ home."

"You're being so mushy, Stokes."

"Shut up." Nick growled before kissing his husband deeply.

When the door bell rang, they groaned a little before pulling away from the kiss. "You open some more wine and I'll get the door."

"Deal." Nick stole one more kiss before he watched Greg happily trot toward the hallway.

Greg was relieved to see her when he opened the door. She looked tired and a little embarrassed. Greg got it. "I'm really happy you decided to come."

He looked at the two young boys standing next to her. "Hey guys. We set up the Wii in the basement. I think your cousins have been waiting on you to start playing Rock Band."

"Cool!" They both squealed at the same time.

Greg pointed in the direction of the hallway. "Second door on the left."

They ran past Greg and he watched them scurry down the hallway. "Other left." He said before they walked into the bathroom. He turned back to the newest guest and smiled.

"Thank you for the invitation, Greg."

"We wanted our families together this year. _**All**_ of our families. You're a big part of the Stokes clan - it wouldn't be complete without you here." Greg held out his hand.

She took it without hesitation and he led her into the crowded front room. "I can't wait to introduce you to my folks."

They had been emailing each other for months. When he received her first email he cried for an hour - literally. It was heartfelt and heartbreaking. He emailed her back immediately and thanked her for her grace and humility. Then he assured her that he had never felt even the least bit of animosity toward her. He understood how much she lost and how terrifying that was.

They walked into the warm living room holding hands. "Look who finally made it!" Greg announced.

Nick looked up from his task of refilling wine glasses and his heart swelled into his throat as he was reminded of all the reasons he couldn't live without Greg Sanders.

There was a collective buzz of excitement and reassurances. Greg pulled her toward one of the mix-matched couches flanking a taupe painted wall. "Mom, Dad, Nana, Poppa..." He put a reassuring arm around her slender waist and proudly made introductions. "...I'd like you to meet MaryEllen Stokes."

FIN


End file.
